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Band 5.5

Some people think that the goverment is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spend elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #goverment #money #arts
It is much debated whether
arts
 has always seen as a waste of
money
, so it ought to
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 less
money
 because society is facing more important issues. I do not fully agree with
this
 statement, since I strongly believe that
arts
 should be supported
as
Change preposition
in
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 the same way as other types of activities
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 since they have the same value,
however
Add a comma
,however
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 there are more areas that need
this
money
 urgently.
Firstly
,
this
 essay
discuss
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discusses
show examples
 why
arts
 are important and should
Change the verb form
be helped
show examples
helped
Change the form of the verb
help
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 by public funding, and
secondly
Add a comma
,secondly
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 I will explain the reason why
Correct your spelling
government
goverment
Correct article usage
the goverment
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also
 should expend the rest of its funds elsewhere.
First
 of all,
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
arts
Change the noun form
art
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 world should be helped by public funding. For some people it is their career, and for others is a way to escape from the reality
or
Correct your spelling
of
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 it is simply their leisure activity, but for both groups is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important part of their life, mainly for the
first
 one. Because it has always been downplayed, due to that, it is more complicated to grow in
this
 field. A year ago, BBC did a survey and it came out that more than 60% of people with stress and anxiety, managed to relax thanks to some type of art,
such
 as dancing, drawing...
On the other hand
, there are areas which have more importance
such
 as public health or education, which are
ones
Correct pronoun usage
one
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 of the most essentials. Both of them have a vital function because they are pillars of human rights, and should receive the lion's share of public funding in my opinion, due to everyone has not
have
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had
show examples
 the same financial situation but everyone should have access to it. Recently it has been
a
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apply
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protests
Correct the article-noun agreement
protest
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 about USA health because it is not free, the sad and shocking
story
Correct your spelling
storey
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 woman who passed away
next
 to a hospital in Florida stirred everyone's feelings, she was giving
a
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apply
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birth
,
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apply
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 since she has not had the
money
 to afford it, the hospital did not attend her. In conclusion, I agree that
arts
 should be supported by public funds,
althought
Correct your spelling
although
 I believe
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should not increase the amount of
money
 spend on it, and
expend
Correct your spelling
expand
show examples
 on
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 areas that are more significant.
Submitted by saalmacm02 on

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