IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the goverment is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spend elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #goverment #money #arts
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It is much debated whether
arts
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 has always seen as a waste of
money
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, so it ought to
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 less
money
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 because society is facing more important issues. I do not fully agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, since I strongly believe that
arts
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 should be supported
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same way as other types of activities
,
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apply
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 since they have the same value,
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however
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,however
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 there are more areas that need
this
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money
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 urgently.
Firstly
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,
this
Linking Words
 essay
discuss
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discusses
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 why
arts
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 are important and should
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be helped
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helped
Change the form of the verb
help
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 by public funding, and
Linking Words
secondly
Add a comma
,secondly
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 I will explain the reason why
Correct your spelling
government
goverment
Correct article usage
the goverment
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also
Linking Words
 should expend the rest of its funds elsewhere.
First
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 of all,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
arts
Change the noun form
art
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 world should be helped by public funding. For some people it is their career, and for others is a way to escape from the reality
or
Correct your spelling
of
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 it is simply their leisure activity, but for both groups is
a
Change the article
an
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 important part of their life, mainly for the
first
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 one. Because it has always been downplayed, due to that, it is more complicated to grow in
this
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 field. A year ago, BBC did a survey and it came out that more than 60% of people with stress and anxiety, managed to relax thanks to some type of art,
such
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 as dancing, drawing...
On the other hand
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, there are areas which have more importance
such
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 as public health or education, which are
ones
Correct pronoun usage
one
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 of the most essentials. Both of them have a vital function because they are pillars of human rights, and should receive the lion's share of public funding in my opinion, due to everyone has not
have
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had
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 the same financial situation but everyone should have access to it. Recently it has been
a
Correct article usage
apply
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protests
Correct the article-noun agreement
protest
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 about USA health because it is not free, the sad and shocking
story
Correct your spelling
storey
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 woman who passed away
next
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 to a hospital in Florida stirred everyone's feelings, she was giving
a
Remove the article
apply
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birth
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since she has not had the
money
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 to afford it, the hospital did not attend her. In conclusion, I agree that
arts
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 should be supported by public funds,
althought
Correct your spelling
although
 I believe
goverment
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government
 should not increase the amount of
money
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 spend on it, and
expend
Correct your spelling
expand
show examples
 on
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 areas that are more significant.
Submitted by saalmacm02 on

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