IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think it is important to spend money on road and motorways than on public transport system such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, it is vital to invest money in infrastructure
instead
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 of public transport systems like railways and trams. From my point of view,
although
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 investment in roads and motorways is fundamental, public transportation gives many benefits in various countries. It is obvious that developing the infrastructure plays a key role in societies. It increases the level of safety and reduces traffic congestion. To cite an instance, in Vietnam, many cities and provinces have lots of accidents because there are no large and flat streets.
Therefore
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, the government should spend pay on
this
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 area in order to improve the quality of facilities and ensure the safe life of people.
In addition
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, Ho Chi Minh City is the best example of
this
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 phenomenon.
Due to
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 the largest population in Vietnam, building wider pathways and expanding its capacity is a great option to decrease major issues
such
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 as traffic jams during rush hour.
On the other hand
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, the growth of railways and trams brings several different positive effects on societies. It offers a wide range of opportunities for people not have private vehicles.
Additionally
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, they can use
this
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 transportation because of the inexpensive price.
For example
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, teenagers travelling by public transport like the bus can save payment which may be used for other purposes namely education or health.
Furthermore
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, spending on public transport will decrease pollution around the world lead to a fall in the duty smoke in the air and prevent many factors from affecting the ozone layer.
As a result
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, there are fewer health problems happening in humans
such
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 as lung cancer. In conclusion, in spite of the fact that investing in roads and motorways gives various benefits like reducing traffic congestion, spending funds on railways and trams
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
also
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 good for countries
such
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 as decreasing the pollution phenomenon.

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task response
While the introduction and conclusion are present and well-stated, try to make your point of view consistently clear throughout the essay. You have mentioned the benefits of both sides but ensure you prominently state your stance and discuss it in detail.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance your logical flow and ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. You could use more linking words and phrases to improve the overall coherence of your writing.
task response
Support your main points with more specific examples and deeper analysis. For instance, you could elaborate more on how exactly public transport reduces pollution or how improved road infrastructure can benefit more specific aspects of society.
coherence and cohesion
You have presented an introduction and conclusion clearly which helps in guiding the reader through your argument effectively.
task response
Your essay discusses both sides of the argument, which demonstrates that you understand the complexity of the issue.
task response
You included examples to support your points, making your essay more concrete and persuasive.
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