Some people believe that it is the government's responsibility to provide care and financial to support people after they retire. Others, however, think that individuals themselves saving money in their own care when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #responsibility #care #support #individuals #money

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Nowadays, a great deal of attention has been paid to the

government

Use synonyms

expenditure for seniors. Some

people

Use synonyms

insist that the responsibility of taking care of retired

people

Use synonyms

owed by the

government

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, while others opine that the

responsbility

Correct your spelling

responsibility

owned by citizens. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I am going to discuss both views and examine the reason why I believe citizens should prepare

money

Use synonyms

after they retire.

To begin

Linking Words

with, there are two primary reasons why

people

Use synonyms

support the former idea.

Firstly

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

aged over 65, in general, are unable to continue their job.

However

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

aged over 65 are still spry and able to continue to work. Despite their lives are continue after they retire jobs,

this

Linking Words

is decided by

Remove the article

apply

show examples

Japanese law. If the

government

Use synonyms

forces the old generation to retire, they have better support in terms of

money

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Furthermore

Linking Words

, the Japanese

government

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reported that it takes around 200 million yen after

people

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reiter

Replace the word

reiterate

show examples

occupations.

However

Linking Words

, it is almost impossible for the ordinary Japanese to prepare

this

Linking Words

huge amount of

money

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

believe individuals should save

money

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for the life after retirement. In fact, the ageing of

Japan

Use synonyms

's population is advancing significantly, and it has become nearly impossible to manage the current social welfare system in

Japan

Use synonyms

. Take a pension,

for example

Linking Words

, only two working generations support one retiree in 2020, while around 12 youngsters supported one senior in 1950.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, the medical fee for the senior generation in

Japan

Use synonyms

has tripled for

Linking Words

last

Correct article usage

the last

show examples

50 years.

Thus

Linking Words

, the

government

Use synonyms

have better cut costs for retirees and they need to prepare the living expenses for the life after retirement. To conclude, I believe both sides of the arguments have merits.

However

Linking Words

, I assume that

people

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should save

money

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for old age.

This

Linking Words

is because the ageing society in

Japan

Use synonyms

has

advancing

Change the verb form

advanced

show examples

, and social welfares

such

Linking Words

as pension are likely to disappear.

Submitted by maho.140126 on Sat Jun 05 2021

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

317 words

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Some people believe that it is the government's responsibility to provide care and financial to support people after they retire. Others, however, think that individuals themselves saving money in their own care when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What factors damage the environment and who should take responsibility?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that formal 'pen and paper' examinations are not the best method of assessing educational achievement. What is your view of examinations? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.