IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that punishment is the best way to teach children to behave well, while others disagree and point out that rewarding and praising them is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #punishment #children #point
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent times,
parents
 have relented in the manner by which they discipline their wards. The dialogue on whether or not to punish
children
 has led to polarized views.
Although
, some individuals believe
children
 should be dealt with when they misbehave so as to teach them morals, others are of a contrary
opinion
. In my view, I vehemently agree with the
opinion
 that kids should be taught good behaviours by punishing them
accordingly
 because it makes them be of good
characters
Fix the agreement mistake
character
show examples
. On the one hand, some people say
children
 should not be punished,
instead
, they should be praised and rewarded which will not bring the
children
 to the realization of the negative impacts of their grievous acts.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that no measure was taken by their
parents
 to rebuke them thereby leading to criminality in the future. To buttress, a study was conducted in a prison in Nigeria around 2018, it was deduced that 85% of inmates were not adequately penalized by their
parents
 when they were younger.
However
,
this
 is not a good approach because of its negative end result.
On the other hand
, many individuals including myself
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that reprimanding a child is better as it makes the ward to be well-mannered.
This
 is because they will always remember vividly the effects of the previous punishment they had and desist from unpleasant characters.
For instance
, when I was still a teenager, I fought with one of my friends in school, and when the school authority reported
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
 my
parents
, I was severely beaten and ever since
then
, I developed a phobia for fighting. From the aforementioned example, it is apparent that punishment makes
children
 have good manners and I strongly agree with
this
 view.
To sum up
, a reasonable amount of people are of the
opinion
 that punishing
children
 is the best way to imbibe good behaviours in them,
while
 others disagree. In my
opinion
, disciplining them is the best approach to teach them to behave well, as it makes them have good morals.
Submitted by Ishola Busayo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
You should provide a clear and concise introduction, followed by logically structured paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea with clear topic sentences.
task achievement
Make sure to address the task fully by discussing both views thoroughly before providing your own opinion. Supporting details and examples should be evenly distributed across both perspectives.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • reward
  • reinforcement
  • discipline
  • boundary
  • behavior
  • self-esteem
  • motivation
  • intrinsic
  • consequence
  • fear
  • anxiety
  • resentment
  • positive learning environment
  • balanced approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: