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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

#television #free-time #people
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It is commonly believed that television viewers are becoming lazy without any other work
such
Linking Words
 as interacting with family members and friends. I totally agree
to
Change preposition
with
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this
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 view and will furnish
evidences
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evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
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 to support my view.
Firstly
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, the advancement of technology made very easy access to
TV
Use synonyms
 communications resulting
many
Change preposition
in many
show examples
Add a hyphen
start-up
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start
Change to a plural noun
starts
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 up
channels
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 and more access to existing
channels
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. Different
TV
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 companies broadcast a wide variety of programs causing
people
Use synonyms
stick
Add the particle
to stick
show examples
 to TVs. These are not only avoiding physical activities but
also
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 social interaction.
Secondly
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, as many of the college-going students exhausted with their hectic study and same with employees too.
Thus
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, they prefer to sit in front of the
TV
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's and getting relaxed and entertained rather than going out and meeting with
people
Use synonyms
 and do a work-out.
For example
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, A previous study proved that
TV
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channels
Use synonyms
 rating was very high in the evenings and night compared to
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
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 of the day. Earlier
people
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 used to go out for a walk or jog in the mornings in a park where they can meet their friends and colleagues but nowadays, as there are
channels
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 which
starts
Change the verb form
start
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 in the morning by 6 am that telecasts some healthy programs
such
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 as Yoga, Fitness awareness and different types of gym
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
,
People
Use synonyms
 started following them and stopped going out.
For instance
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, a survey conducted on the reason why visitors are
diminshing
Correct your spelling
diminishing
 to parks revealed that viewers wanted to follow their
next
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 interesting episode of the
work-out
Correct your spelling
workout
show examples
 and the survey results did not
suprise
Correct your spelling
surprise
 me. Though it is
benefial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for some of the audience
but
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apply
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it is eliminating the socialising activity. To conclude, though there is some benefit to
people
Use synonyms
 because of the continues
TV
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 programs
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it is
also
Linking Words
 completely dominating viewers
free-time
Correct your spelling
free time
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 causing them no
useful
Replace the word
use
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 for anything else which should be avoided to build a socialising community.
Submitted by kishore.likith on

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