IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many countries thought that children have to do homework in their free time while other say children should do more outdoor activity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #homework #time #activity
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So many nations throughout the world are in an opinion that kids have to finish their homework in their leisure hours. Some other countries believe that they need to spend their free
time
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 doing outdoor
activities
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. I strongly disagree with the statement that the
children
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 need to spare their free
time
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 for studying. Studying after school hours will give mental stress to
children
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 and playing will enable
children
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 to stay fit both mentally and physically. On the one hand, studying at home after school will give a lot of mental pressure on
children
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.
Furthermore
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, sitting and studying for too long hours will cause health issues like obesity in
children
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 and
also
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 pain in the spinal cord. A recent study, made by Stanford University students reveals that there is a 25% increase in childhood obesity cases from 2015 to 2020 which is due to sitting in one place for so much
time
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.
On the other hand
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, spending their free
time
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 playing extra-curricular
activities
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 will enhance the
children
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 to develop the inbuilt special skills other than studies.
In addition
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, these
activities
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 will help
children
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 to relax their minds.
For instance
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, in Russia after the introduction of extra-curricular
activities
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 into the main ,curriculum there is a huge increase in the positive results of
children
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 both academically and in other
activities
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 as well. In conclusion,
children
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 should be encouraged to perform
activities
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 like sports, arts, handicrafts, dance, etc.
However
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, we should keep an eye on the academic track
also
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 which is important for the future of
children
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.
Submitted by gouni.prashanthreddy on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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