In many countries students are engaged in some sort of paid work . Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. What is your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Adolescents in several nations are involved in some type of employment. A section of society asserts that
this
is absolutely wrong, whereas others
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that it
enhance
Change the verb form
enhances
show examples
their
pratical
Correct your spelling
practical
skills.
This
essay will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ideologies in subsequent paragraphs with my opinion in the conclusion.
To begin
with, doing
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
at
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
young age has several drawbacks.
Firstly
,
juvelion
Correct your spelling
javelin
can be easily
expolited
Correct your spelling
exploited
by the
work
providers, as they can take extra
work
by offering low wages. An article published in THE TRIBUNE stated that 35% of youngsters are suffering from various health issues due to extended
work
hours. Apart from
this
working children find it difficult to focus on study after
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
show examples
work
schedule.
Eventually
Add a comma
,Eventually
show examples
they drop out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
school that hinders the overall growth of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
On the other hand
, there are some benefits of paid
work
. Youth learn the value of money at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
age and spend it wisely which make them financially secured.
Nevertheless
, doing arduous and
repetative
Correct your spelling
repetitive
task in factory production can dump their mind which leads to a nation who do not have
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
generation with fresh ideas that effects it's development. In conclusion,
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
outweigh the advantages of engaging children in paid works. Countries should have certain age limitations when they can
work
legally.
Hence
it should
not
Rewrite the sentence
apply
show examples
should not
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
disturb the innocence of children.
Submitted by Shifali sharma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: