In many countries students are engaged in some sort of paid work . Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. What is your opinion?

#countries #students #sort #work #people #responsibilities

Adolescents in several nations are involved in some type of employment. A section of society asserts that

this

is absolutely wrong, whereas others

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

that it

enhance

Change the verb form

enhances

show examples

their

pratical

Correct your spelling

practical

skills.

This

essay will discuss both

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

ideologies in subsequent paragraphs with my opinion in the conclusion.

To begin

with, doing

job

Add an article

the job

a job

show examples

very

Add an article

a very

show examples

young age has several drawbacks.

Firstly

juvelion

Correct your spelling

javelin

can be easily

expolited

Correct your spelling

exploited

by the

work

providers, as they can take extra

work

by offering low wages. An article published in THE TRIBUNE stated that 35% of youngsters are suffering from various health issues due to extended

work

hours. Apart from

this

working children find it difficult to focus on study after

busy

Correct article usage

a busy

show examples

work

schedule.

Eventually

Add a comma

,Eventually

show examples

they drop out

from

Change preposition

show examples

school that hinders the overall growth of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society.

On the other hand

, there are some benefits of paid

work

. Youth learn the value of money at

early

Add an article

an early

show examples

age and spend it wisely which make them financially secured.

Nevertheless

, doing arduous and

repetative

Correct your spelling

repetitive

task in factory production can dump their mind which leads to a nation who do not have

young

Add an article

a young

show examples

generation with fresh ideas that effects it's development. In conclusion,

disadvantages

Correct article usage

the disadvantages

show examples

outweigh the advantages of engaging children in paid works. Countries should have certain age limitations when they can

work

legally.

Hence

it should

not

Rewrite the sentence

apply

show examples

should not

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

disturb the innocence of children.

Submitted by Shifali sharma on Wed Jun 09 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

224 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of thi development?
In the past few years, there has been an ever-rising trend to study abroad than it was in the past. Is it a better option to study outside the homeland? Although some people argue that this development has several drawbacks, others claim that it brings benefits to individuals.
7
band
Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The debate over how to reward students in educational institutions often centers around two primary perspectives: rewarding academic excellence versus rewarding improvement. Both approaches have their merits and can significantly impact students' motivation and learning experiences.
6.5
band
Write a letter to your colleagues. In your letter • remind your colleagues what the special occasion you were celebrating was • thank them for the card and gift • explain why you like the gift and how you will use it
I hope this letter finds you well.
7.5
band
It has been suggested that cars and public transport should be banned from city centres and only bicycles be allowed instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that only bikes should be permitted in the town centre and motor-car and public transportation be prohibited. I completely agree with this statement because it will be good for the environment as well as for the local public and this can also reduce the traffic in the city.
6.5
band
You Recently Bought A New Piece Of Equipment For Your Home But It Did Not Work. You Phoned The Store But Still No Action Has Been Taken. Write A Letter To The Store Manager. In Your Letter: – Describe What Equipment You Bought – Explain The Problem With The New Equipment – Say What Would You Like The Manager To Do
The purpose of this letter is to express my dissatisfaction with a purchase from your store last week.

In many countries students are engaged in some sort of paid work . Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. What is your opinion?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of thi development?

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Write a letter to your colleagues. In your letter • remind your colleagues what the special occasion you were celebrating was • thank them for the card and gift • explain why you like the gift and how you will use it

It has been suggested that cars and public transport should be banned from city centres and only bicycles be allowed instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?