In many countries students are engaged in some sort of paid work . Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. What is your opinion?

#countries #students #sort #work #people #responsibilities

Adolescents in several nations are involved in some type of employment. A section of society asserts that

this

is absolutely wrong, whereas others

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

that it

enhance

Change the verb form

enhances

show examples

their

pratical

Correct your spelling

practical

skills.

This

essay will discuss both

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

ideologies in subsequent paragraphs with my opinion in the conclusion.

To begin

with, doing

job

Add an article

the job

a job

show examples

very

Add an article

a very

show examples

young age has several drawbacks.

Firstly

juvelion

Correct your spelling

javelin

can be easily

expolited

Correct your spelling

exploited

by the

work

providers, as they can take extra

work

by offering low wages. An article published in THE TRIBUNE stated that 35% of youngsters are suffering from various health issues due to extended

work

hours. Apart from

this

working children find it difficult to focus on study after

busy

Correct article usage

a busy

show examples

work

schedule.

Eventually

Add a comma

,Eventually

show examples

they drop out

from

Change preposition

show examples

school that hinders the overall growth of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society.

On the other hand

, there are some benefits of paid

work

. Youth learn the value of money at

early

Add an article

an early

show examples

age and spend it wisely which make them financially secured.

Nevertheless

, doing arduous and

repetative

Correct your spelling

repetitive

task in factory production can dump their mind which leads to a nation who do not have

young

Add an article

a young

show examples

generation with fresh ideas that effects it's development. In conclusion,

disadvantages

Correct article usage

the disadvantages

show examples

outweigh the advantages of engaging children in paid works. Countries should have certain age limitations when they can

work

legally.

Hence

it should

not

Rewrite the sentence

apply

show examples

should not

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

disturb the innocence of children.

Submitted by Shifali sharma on Wed Jun 09 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

224 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
In many countries, people like to eat a wider variety of food than can be grown in their local area. As a result, much of the food people eat today has to come from other regions. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh disadvantages?
There has been a discussion revolving around the issue of whether choosing food from a wider variety than the local area can provide has more positive than negative effects. Some people say that there are more advantages than disadvantages in eating food grown not only in the local area but also in other places, while others disagree and support only food grown in a specific area. In this essay, I will explain why I believe advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
8.5
band
You are going on a short course to a training college abroad. It is a college that you have not been to before. Write a letter to the accommodation officer. In your letter: give details of your course and your arrival/departure date; explain your accommodation needs; ask for information about getting to and from the college.
I am Nick, an Australian citizen, writing this letter to inform you about the global class that I am registered for a 30-day period, held in Singapore.
8
band
You had some photos of your family taken by a professional photographer. Write a letter to the photographer. In your letter •say that you liked his/her photos of your family •ask him/her to be your photographer at a special family event •give him/her the details of the event.
I am writing this letter to request you to be a one-day photographer for our special event.
6.5
band
Some people say history is one of Is the most important school subjeother people think th bad in today's world subject like science And technology Are more important than history. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
While every subject at school is crucial to some extent, many people have different opinions and beliefs regarding this matter. Some individuals say that history is one of the most significant subject at school; However, others point out that modern subjects such as science and technology are more essential than history. In my view, I believe that history is one of the most important area of study in school.
5
band
Most people believe money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get a better lifestyle; however, there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy and that this, and not money, will lead to greater happiness and a more balanced personal life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Many people believe money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get a better lifestyle; however, there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy and that this, and not money, will lead to greater happiness and a more balanced personal life , I will discuss the reasons and I will give my opinion .

In many countries students are engaged in some sort of paid work . Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. What is your opinion?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In many countries, people like to eat a wider variety of food than can be grown in their local area. As a result, much of the food people eat today has to come from other regions. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh disadvantages?

You had some photos of your family taken by a professional photographer. Write a letter to the photographer. In your letter •say that you liked his/her photos of your family •ask him/her to be your photographer at a special family event •give him/her the details of the event.

Some people say history is one of Is the most important school subjeother people think th bad in today's world subject like science And technology Are more important than history. Discuss both views and give your opinion.