In many countries students are engaged in some sort of paid work . Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. What is your opinion?
Adolescents in several nations are involved in some type of employment. A section of society asserts that
this
is absolutely wrong, whereas others Correct your spelling
believe
belive
that it Correct your spelling
believe
enhance
their Change the verb form
enhances
pratical
skills. Correct your spelling
practical
This
essay will discuss both the
ideologies in subsequent paragraphs with my opinion in the conclusion.
Correct article usage
apply
To begin
with, doing job
at Add an article
the job
a job
very
young age has several drawbacks. Add an article
a very
Firstly
, juvelion
can be easily Correct your spelling
javelin
expolited
by the Correct your spelling
exploited
work
providers, as they can take extra work
by offering low wages. An article published in THE TRIBUNE stated that 35% of youngsters are suffering from various health issues due to extended work
hours. Apart from this
working children find it difficult to focus on study after busy
Correct article usage
a busy
work
schedule. Eventually
they drop out Add a comma
,Eventually
from
school that hinders the overall growth of Change preposition
of
the
society.
Correct article usage
apply
On the other hand
, there are some benefits of paid work
. Youth learn the value of money at early
age and spend it wisely which make them financially secured. Add an article
an early
Nevertheless
, doing arduous and repetative
task in factory production can dump their mind which leads to a nation who do not have Correct your spelling
repetitive
young
generation with fresh ideas that effects it's development.
In conclusion, Add an article
a young
disadvantages
outweigh the advantages of engaging children in paid works. Countries should have certain age limitations when they can Correct article usage
the disadvantages
work
legally. Hence
it should not
Rewrite the sentence
apply
should not
disturb the innocence of children.Remove the redundancy
apply
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite