Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #jobs

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Few individuals contend that the incomes of sports and showbiz celebrities are far more than other professionals. I completely agree with above the statement but

this

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is a negative development. Teachers and the worker of essential services must have maximum wages in order to bring prosperity to society.

To begin

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with, there are multiple reasons for the lucrative salaries of entertainers. Because of their fan followings, they can make any event successful, so event organizers are ready to pay them according to their demands. Some stars

also

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playalso

Correct your spelling

play also

play as models for the advertisement of different products from where they earn a handsome amount of money.

For example

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, Virat Koli who is a famous Indian cricketer has earned more by advertising a cold drink than the whole life income of an average teacher.

On the other hand

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, teachers, healthcare professionals and military personnel should be highly paid. As educators are nation builders, if they have good salaries

then

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more and more talented people will join

this

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profession which ultimately improves the standard of education.

Furthermore

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, the employees of essential services like the police, military and healthcare workers serve a nation regardless of risks to their own lives

that is

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why they must have higher incomes.

For instance

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, as frontline workers in the pandemic of COVID-19

such

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as doctors, nurses, and paramedics are taking care of patients in spite of the danger of getting the fatal infection, now it is the duty of the authorities to reward them properly,

Change the punctuation

apply

show examples

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otherwise

Add a comma

,otherwise

show examples

no one will join the essential services in the future. In conclusion, even though the attractive salaries of film, music and sports stars are quite justifiable, other professionals must suffer from

this

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. It is the need of the hour that a mechanism should be devised to keep balance among the incomes of different fields.

Submitted by drmehmoodahmed33 on Wed Jun 09 2021

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11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

303 words

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