More and more fathers are taking break from their careers so that they can stay home and take care of their children while their wives work. This is better for the family than having both parents work full time. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

Nowadays, the cost of living has increased to
such
an extent that working has become a necessity for
both
the
parents
in a family.
However
, at times
this
results in
parents
being unable to take out
time
for their
children
.
This
essay discusses whether
this
is a better solution or not followed by an opinion.
To begin
with, everything has become so costly these days that to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
the expenses related to education, travel and other things it is obligatory for
both
the
parents
to
work
so that their
child
gets a quality life.
For instance
, for admission of a
child
in a good school sometimes
parents
have to give
donation
Add an article
a donation
show examples
so
consequently
both
the
parents
have to continue their
work
to arrange funds.
Moreover
, the school fees
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
rocket high currently.
Therefore
, for a better upbringing of their
child
Add a comma
,child
show examples
it is somewhat mandatory for
both
the
parents
to
work
full
time
.
On the contrary
, as
parents
are not able to manage
time
for their
children
it results in an invisible gap between them.
Children
do not have their
parents
by their
child
at the
time
of need when
both
parents
are working.
This
has an adverse impact on their mind.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
parents
work
for the betterment of their
child
even
then
they cannot buy love and affection with the money they earn.
Parents
should keep in mind that some things can never be replaced. If one of the
parents
take a break from his career for taking care of their
child
it would make a huge difference
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the life of their
child
. The
child
would become happy and satiated. In my opinion, the
parents
should try to take
such
a job which helps them to take out
time
for the
children
as well. To exemplify, either of the
parents
can take a teaching job because it leaves a person with a lot of spare
time
after
work
. To conclude, a
child
is a priority of every parent. If they
work
for their
child
only
then
they should be aware that it follows the same outcome
that is
,
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
of their
child
.
Submitted by harsimrankaur2400 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: