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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more fathers are taking break from their careers so that they can stay home and take care of their children while their wives work. This is better for the family than having both parents work full time. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

#fathers #careers #home #care #children #wives #work #parents #time
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Nowadays, the cost of living has increased to
such
 an extent that working has become a necessity for
both
 the
parents
 in a family.
However
, at times
this
 results in
parents
 being unable to take out
time
 for their
children
.
This
 essay discusses whether
this
 is a better solution or not followed by an opinion.
To begin
 with, everything has become so costly these days that to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the expenses related to education, travel and other things it is obligatory for
both
 the
parents
 to
work
 so that their
child
 gets a quality life.
For instance
, for admission of a
child
 in a good school sometimes
parents
 have to give
donation
Add an article
a donation
show examples
 so
consequently
both
 the
parents
 have to continue their
work
 to arrange funds.
Moreover
, the school fees
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
 rocket high currently.
Therefore
, for a better upbringing of their
child
Add a comma
,child
show examples
 it is somewhat mandatory for
both
 the
parents
 to
work
 full
time
.
On the contrary
, as
parents
 are not able to manage
time
 for their
children
 it results in an invisible gap between them.
Children
 do not have their
parents
 by their
child
 at the
time
 of need when
both
parents
 are working.
This
 has an adverse impact on their mind.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
parents
work
 for the betterment of their
child
 even
then
 they cannot buy love and affection with the money they earn.
Parents
 should keep in mind that some things can never be replaced. If one of the
parents
 take a break from his career for taking care of their
child
 it would make a huge difference
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the life of their
child
. The
child
 would become happy and satiated. In my opinion, the
parents
 should try to take
such
 a job which helps them to take out
time
 for the
children
 as well. To exemplify, either of the
parents
 can take a teaching job because it leaves a person with a lot of spare
time
 after
work
. To conclude, a
child
 is a priority of every parent. If they
work
 for their
child
 only
then
 they should be aware that it follows the same outcome
that is
,
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
 of their
child
.
Submitted by harsimrankaur2400 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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