IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Fast
Add a hyphen
Fast-food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 consumption has increased enormously in the
last
Linking Words
 decade. In certain nations, numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have been facing health problems because of their eating habits.
Consequently
Linking Words
, governments need to interfere by increasing taxes fee of junk foods. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will outline my agreement towards higher fees for
this
Linking Words
 category of
food
Use synonyms
. Certainly, it will be helpful for society.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
country where unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 is expensive
people
Use synonyms
 might avoid
such
Linking Words
 expense, because they have other options with better benefits.
As a result
Linking Words
, they consume less
food
Use synonyms
 that
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 outcome for their body. If they have available a chicken salad
as well as a hamburger and the healthy one
Add the comma(s)
, as well as a hamburger and the healthy one,
show examples
 costs less money, undoubtedly, they will opt for the one which has a better price. Since the government is putting an obstacle regarding
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 price,
people
Use synonyms
 who really
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to consume
this
Linking Words
 need to make an extra effort by spending more.
Although
Linking Words
 it is not an impossible barrier to overcome,
this
Linking Words
 measure contributes significatively to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumerism. Another important point is once the government applies
this
Linking Words
 measure, indirectly a country will have more healthy
people
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, less investment is required from the State to be made for national hospitals and they may act better at preventing illness than curing them. A person who has consumed good
food
Use synonyms
 daily, and find out about an illness, higher are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
chances for them to have a better recovery.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the nation will be wealthier than before, and more money will be available to make others investment.
Hence
Linking Words
 to conclude, I strongly believe that there are considerable reasons for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 include over taxation
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 junk foods. It is a way to educate a country
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their health habits and
also
Linking Words
, to protect them against severe consequences which they may cause.
Submitted by alexandretco on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: