IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #teenagers #dangers #crime
It is sometimes encouraged that ex-offenders who have been returned to
the
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apply
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society as moral members would be considered
as
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apply
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decent candidates to educate youngsters about the detrimental effects of criminal
behavior
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behaviour
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. I completely agree with
this
 proposal. I imagine that some people may criticize that
such
idea
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an idea
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 would undermine the peaceful life of those ex-prisoners, who must be struggling for a normal and unbiased living condition. To avoid paradigm with prejudice, it would be
wisdom
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wise
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 to seal the crime profile and treat it as confidential to the public.
For instance
, an ex-thief after speaking in the school might be rejected by a potential employer whose child is one of the audiences
to
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of
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 the speech.
Additionally
, it would be extremely merciless to retear their wounds and expose their criminal histories as negative examples to the young generation.
This
 would be a severe strike
to
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on
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 their self-confidence.
However
, nothing is comparable with real examples when it comes to the education of harmful consequences. Real examples are more persuasive and teenagers tend to accept the advice coming from experienced people which in our case, it would be those who had violated the law.
For example
,
violence
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violent
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 offenders could describe
the
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apply
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jail life vividly to high school
students
 so that they could understand physical violence is not braveness for show-off.
Instead
, they might be locked in prison and lose freedom for quite some time.
In addition
,
such
session
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a session
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 would be a more interactive approach to attract
attention
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the attention
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 of
students
 easily.
For instance
,
Q&A
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the Q&A
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 section would allow
students
 to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their curiosity about variable motivations
of
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for
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 breaking the legislation.
Hence
, teenagers could learn how to refrain from potential criminal minds. In conclusion, it is my firm belief that having reformed offenders to teach young
students
 about risks of violation of the law would be a realistic method to mitigate juvenile crimes.
Submitted by michael880316 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: