IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

There should be laws to control the amount and type of violence shown on television programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#laws #control #amount #type #violence #television #programs
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It is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 well-known fact that
people
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 become what they see. Nowadays, the
content
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 of
television
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programs
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have
Change the verb form
has
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 shifted to more of action and
violence
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 genre from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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family friendly
Add a hyphen
family-friendly
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programs
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.
Consequently
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,
this
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 has resulted in having a negative impact on the overall society
therefore
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, there is an urgent need of regulating the
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violence
Replace the word
violent
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content
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 on
television
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programs
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.
To begin
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 with, when children are constantly exposed to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
programs
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 showing
violence
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 it adversely affects their mentality. They start getting angry and irritated on petty issues. Even adults are not spared
of
Change preposition
from
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 the disadvantages of violent
content
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. In some
television
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programs
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 when
violence
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 is shown in the form of domestic
violence
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 it drastically affects the overall society because sometimes it eventually happens in the real world as well.
Further
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, as
people
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 become short-tempered it indirectly results in an increase in crime rate as
people
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 are unable to control their emotions and
therefore
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, get into fights.
On the contrary
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, a small amount of
violence
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 is necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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television
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programs
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 for the awareness of
people
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. These are a few shows that portray
violence
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 and
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 after-effects to aware
people
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 of the ways to deal with it.
Therefore
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, some practical knowledge is prominent. In my opinion, the government should take measures to maintain a certain level of the
content
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 and the level of
violence
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 shown on
television
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programs
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. It should formulate laws to regularise the type and amount of violent
content
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 so that
people
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 do not transform into criminals or are unable to deal with their anger problems. To sum up, the officials and the society should come together to promote friendly and knowledgeable
content
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
programs
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by harsimrankaur2400 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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