Historians and archaeologists now believe that, over time and around the world, the amount of violence in which people are killed has been going down. Why do you think this the case? What can be done to make sure violence stays low?

#historians #archaeologists #time #world #amount #violence #people #case

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Crime rate

hits

Wrong verb form

has hit

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

peak point nowadays,researchers think that the number of crimes

such

Linking Words

as murders hoping to

reduce

Wrong verb form

be reduced

show examples

in forthcoming days,

Change preposition

apply

show examples

all over the world.There

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

a number of reasons for expecting

this

Linking Words

, even the more stringent steps will be more helpful in the reduction. The measure and the causes will be discussed in more detail in the following paragraphs. To commence with the reasons behind

this

Linking Words

why it is assumable that the violence would be less in the future.

Firstly

Linking Words

, increasing the level of education, as more and more people

becoming

Wrong verb form

become

show examples

educated, the number of cases of killing, homicide,

workplace

Correct word choice

and workplace

show examples

violence will show

the

Correct article usage

show examples

decreasing trend. Youngsters will be aware of their

right

Fix the agreement mistake

rights

show examples

and know how to use,

obey

Correct word choice

and obey

show examples

the responsibilities towards society.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the strict laws and

regulation

Fix the agreement mistake

regulations

show examples

, governments

concerning

Wrong verb form

are concerned

show examples

about the

countries

Change noun form

country's

show examples

miserable situation, as everyone

having

Wrong verb form

has

show examples

fear on their face for criminal activities, as seen numbers are grown from

last

Linking Words

few years.

But as

Correct word choice

However

show examples

the

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

strict laws

giving

Wrong verb form

give

show examples

them hope for less criminal and violent behaviour in societies.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, the measures

such

Linking Words

as frequent patrols by the police officers on roads

giving

Wrong verb form

give

show examples

all society members a sense of security.

The more

Correct article usage

show examples

and more

patrol

Fix the agreement mistake

patrols

show examples

whether it's on a bike or a car,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

should be done to reduce more count.

The

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

CCTV cameras can be installed on

road

Fix the agreement mistake

roads

show examples

in the streets to keep more eye on unusual happenings, helpful

to detect

Change preposition

in detecting

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

reckless drivers.A hefty amount of fines must be imposed and strict punishment must be given to those who violate the rules.

To conclude

Linking Words

, the balanced approach

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

initiates to intimate the insane, more powerfully every individual at their level and regulating bodies took steps that will show more positive results.

Submitted by sumanpreetg1313 on Tue Jun 15 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your essay covers the main points but can benefit from clearer examples that directly relate to the reasons and measures mentioned. Adding specific instances or data could strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving your logical flow between paragraphs. Linking sentences and transition phrases can enhance the overall coherence of your essay.

task achievement

The essay addresses both parts of the task adequately and provides reasons for the expected decline of violence and suggests measures to maintain this trend.

coherence cohesion

You have included an introduction and conclusion, wrapping up your points effectively.

task achievement

The essay maintains a balance in discussing both reasons and measures, showing an understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays an increasing number of people are becoming concerned about their health and the quality of their diet. There are two diametrically opposed opinions on the matter. Some people believe that each and every individual is responsible for their own health while others state that it is the government that must ensure that the citizens have healthy eating habits.
<4
band
Some people think the money spent on developing technology for space exploration is not justified. However, there are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is a common belief that the cost comsumed on improved procedure the universe study is not confirmed. Nevertheless, some people believe that this the coin of investment will be more benefits if used for other purposes. Personally, I completely agree with the concept of investing in aerospace technology.
7.5
band
You saw a stray dog being mistreated by your neighbour. You went to Police Station to lodge a police complaint but it was denied. Write a letter to Deputy Commissioner of Police (DCP) for the same. In your letter • describe what happened • ask the reason why your request was turned down • tell What you want DCP to do
Dear Deputy Commissioner of Police,
6
band
Some developed countries now have unemployment problems. Why do people still want to immigrate to these countries? Give reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.
The unemployment problem has been a long-discussed course in almost every country in the world. It has now become a huge matter in developed countries as the number of unemployed citizens is rising. However, numerous people from developing countries still consider immigrating to the developed ones. Thus, in this essay, I will explain the reasons for this movement.
6.5
band
In many countries, men and women work full-time. It is therefore logical for men and women to share household work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, many people believe that men and women should share household chores equally as both genders are just as likely to have full-time jobs. Personally, I agree with this viewpoint and the following paragraphs shall outline my reasons for this belief.

Historians and archaeologists now believe that, over time and around the world, the amount of violence in which people are killed has been going down. Why do you think this the case? What can be done to make sure violence stays low?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think the money spent on developing technology for space exploration is not justified. However, there are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some developed countries now have unemployment problems. Why do people still want to immigrate to these countries? Give reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

In many countries, men and women work full-time. It is therefore logical for men and women to share household work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?