IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You saw a stray dog being mistreated by your neighbour. You went to Police Station to lodge a police complaint but it was denied. Write a letter to Deputy Commissioner of Police (DCP) for the same. In your letter • describe what happened • ask the reason why your request was turned down • tell What you want DCP to do

#dog #neighbour #police #station #lodge #complaint #deputy #commissioner #dcp #reason #request
Dear Deputy Commissioner of
Police
, I am writing
this
 letter to draw your attention
regarding
Change preposition
to
show examples
violance commited
Correct your spelling
violence committed
 by my neighbour on
stray
Add an article
a stray
show examples
dog
, and how the
police
 department
up
Add a missing verb
is up
show examples
 their hands
from
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in
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this
 matter. My name is Sophia Brown, live
in
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at
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 4321 Moonlight Avenue, North York, Ontario. Two days ago my neighbours
bitted
Wrong verb form
bit
show examples
 one
dog
 very harshly and
poor
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the poor
a poor
show examples
dog
 was under trauma. When I heard the
dog
 crying, I rushed to that place but my neighbour started fighting with me.  After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 I went to the
Police
 station and told the whole story to the
police
 but he
denied
Verb problem
refused
show examples
 to
registere
Correct your spelling
register
registered
 my complaint saying that
this
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 worthless. Under Canadian Panel
code
Capitalize word
Code
show examples
 759 , harming any animal is
crime
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a crime
show examples
. I
also
 have photos of that poor
dog
 who was badly injured. I kindly request you that please take some strict action against my neighbour
as well as
asked
Wrong verb form
ask
show examples
 your junior
police
 colleague to take
this
 kind of
complain
Replace the word
complaint
show examples
 in future. I hope you take action against it as soon as possible. Yours Faithfully, Sophia Brown.
Submitted by kaverigoti2209 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, consider adding a brief introduction and conclusion. This will help the reader better understand the context and purpose of your letter from the outset.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Some paragraphs could be clearer; for instance, the paragraph about the police refusal could be more separate to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are correctly used and add a formal tone to the letter.
task achievement
The letter addresses all parts of the task, detailing the mistreatment, the police's response, and a request for action from the DCP.
task achievement
The writing tone is formal and polite, appropriate for a letter to a Deputy Commissioner of Police.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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