IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some developed countries now have unemployment problems. Why do people still want to immigrate to these countries? Give reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

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The
unemployment
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 problem has been a long-discussed course in almost every country in the world. It has now become a huge matter in developed
countries
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 as the number of unemployed citizens is rising.
However
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, numerous
people
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 from developing
countries
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 still consider immigrating to the developed ones.
Thus
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, in
this
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 essay, I will explain the reasons for
this
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 movement.
First,
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regardless of
unemployment
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, rich
countries
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 have average higher salaries than those of developing ones.
This
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 instance persuades immigrants to seek jobs in big
countries
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such
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 as the USA, the UK, and Qatar. Indeed, to find a profession there requires blood, sweat and tears.
However
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, once one gets a job there, the guarantee to get highly paid is more plausible than working in poor
countries
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. A window cleaner in Dubai
for example
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, a seemingly-overlooked worker, is paid much higher than a teacher in Indonesia. Other than that, the demand for workers in
under-developed
Correct your spelling
underdeveloped
show examples
countries
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 is way higher than the developed nations.
This
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 adds to the fact that big nations offer more opportunities for job seekers.
For example
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, age-productive
people
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 in Indonesia reach nearly 45 per cent, but there are no sufficient working fields to occupy these
people
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 which leads to a severe
unemployment
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 problem.
Nevertheless
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, the level of unemployed population in
countries
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 in Europe stands at no more than 20 per cent.
To sum up
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,
although
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 developed
countries
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 are troubled by
unemployment
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, immigrants continuously move to these
countries
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 in order to get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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.
This
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 is mainly because wages and working opportunities in developed
state
Fix the agreement mistake
states
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 are higher than the developing ones.
Therefore
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, I opine that
people
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 should be educated about the fact that major
countries
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 are currently having difficulties in
this
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 aspect and are striving to solve it.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your thesis clearly, while the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs clearly, using a topic sentence to introduce the main idea of each paragraph, and support this idea with specific examples or reasons. The use of connecting words and phrases can help improve the logical flow of your writing.
task achievement
Your response must fully answer the question. Make sure you cover all parts of the task, and provide clear and comprehensive responses to the prompt without digressing from the topic.
task achievement
Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to convey your ideas effectively. Try to avoid repetition by employing synonyms and vary your sentence patterns for a more interesting and dynamic essay.
task achievement
To strengthen your arguments, include relevant, specific examples that support your reasons. This makes your essay more convincing and demonstrates a wide understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic stability
  • Quality of life
  • Healthcare access
  • Educational opportunities
  • Safety and security
  • Family reunification
  • Democratic institutions
  • Cultural diversity
  • Multiculturalism
  • Skilled workforce
  • Employment prospects
  • Social services
  • National security
  • Standard of living
  • Immigrant integration
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