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Band 5.5

It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #lifestyle #illness #treatment #people
Health is so vital that we should pay more attention to enhance it.
This
 essay will give insights into how I strongly agree with the idea that spending public
money
 on promoting a healthy lifestyle to prevent illness is more significant than spending it on
treatment
Add an article
the treatment
show examples
 of
people
 who are already ill. There is one major reason why public
money
 should be spent on promoting a healthy lifestyle.
This
 budget is made up of taxes of citizens,
hence
 it should be applied to them
instead
 of the ill only.
For example
, the authority can employ celebrities or KOLs to encourage everyone to exercise, since those influencers have a significant effect on viewers. After having awareness of caring for their conditions, there will be a lower chance of them suffering from illness or contracting diseases.
Therefore
, nations will be contributed and developed by vigorous citizens.
Otherwise
, if public
money
 is paid for
treatment
Correct article usage
the treatment
show examples
 of
people
 who are already ill, there is just a small number of
people
 being able to access
this
 budget because the ill constitute a minor proportion of society. Some proponents for remedies would argue that lives are so invaluable that we should invest
money
 in curing them.
However
, due to that graveness,
this
 payment cannot enable the patients to recover, so that it will probably be useless.
Consequently
, not only is it a waste of
money
, but it
also
 prevents
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
show examples
tax payers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
show examples
 from deriving benefit. In conclusion, I agree that public
money
 should be spent on encouraging a healthy lifestyle to prevent illness rather than on
treatment
Add an article
the treatment
show examples
 of unhealthy
people
. It is my firm conviction that
this
money
 should be invested in everyone because they have made up
this
 budget.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • chronic diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • public health campaigns
  • lifestyle-related illnesses
  • quality of life
  • health-conscious society
  • allocate funds
  • balanced healthcare system
  • comprehensive healthcare strategy
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