IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Doctor, nurse and teachers make a great contribution to the society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?

#doctor #nurse #teachers #contribution #society #entertainment #sports #celebrities
It is believed that professionals from
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
 and education department, who have been contributing to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society are underpaid in comparison to
people
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
showbiz and sports. I strongly agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 point as equal pay would be helpful in maintaining the morale of the professionals, which
further
 would help in the growth of the nation.
Firstly
, the
people
 employed in
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 system and education sector help in
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
 improvement of the country, as doctors protect the citizens from diseases and teachers provide them with valuable knowledge.
Also
, many developed nations pay handsome salaries to the workers of these departments as they understand their value and support.
Secondly
,
well-being
Correct article usage
the well-being
show examples
 department works odd hours in dangerous situations
such
 as pandemics and epidemics, risking their lives in order to secure others.
Therefore
, it is mandatory to pay them for their contribution
towards
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the welfare of the community. Every year many health workers lose their life while serving other and as tribute, the authorities must offer them with the required support. In conclusion, it is really important to consider the work these professionals are doing for the benefits of common
people
 and should be paid equally well as
people
 in other professions are being paid.
Submitted by swati.9489 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: