IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Communication and Personality Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important thing to succeed in life?

Some individuals fail in
school
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 they are being successful in
end
Correct article usage
the end
show examples
up
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with that statement because human beings have different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
talents
Use synonyms
. I will explain below the paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, some individuals have disparity types of abilities and subject knowledge,
such
Linking Words
 as music, sports, and charity activities.
For example
Linking Words
, the Indian cricket player Sachin Tendulkar
was
Verb problem
lost
show examples
 loosed academic
carrier
Use the right word
career
show examples
 in
school
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 he was the best player in the Indian cricket team.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
talents
Use synonyms
 are different from
person
Use synonyms
 to
person
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 compare among their self.
Also
Linking Words
, some human beings have a few hidden
talents
Use synonyms
 that depend on the family background,
such
Linking Words
 as
musician’s
Correct article usage
a musician’s
show examples
 son
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 a musician
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well doctor,
dancer
Correct article usage
a dancer
show examples
,
Correct word choice
or and
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and
Use the right word
an
show examples
 engineer.
In addition
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 who are always happy with
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 friends and relations
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 succeed in
life
Use synonyms
.
Besides
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, those who have only one aim and ambition are successes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the handwork is an important factor
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 in order to develop their lifestyle, to elevate their knowledge, to become rich
persons
Check wording
people
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and to increase their confidence.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
talents
Use synonyms
 and knowledge are different from
person
Use synonyms
 to
person
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 succeed in
school
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 but others fail.
As a result
Linking Words
, every human
beings
Fix the agreement mistake
being
show examples
success
Replace the word
succeeds
show examples
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
life
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. In my opinion,
school
Use synonyms
 education is a vitally important factor for
each
Correct determiner usage
all
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. It is not decided the
people
Use synonyms
’s
Use synonyms
life success
Replace the word
lives are successful
show examples
 or failure.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the environment is another key factor
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, the urban area’s
people
Use synonyms
 are well-talented
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to rural area’s individuals.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with examples. This will help your message come across clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'however', and 'in conclusion' to connect your ideas better and show the relationship between them.
task achievement
Work on using correct grammar and sentence structures to avoid mistakes that can make it hard to understand your points.
task achievement
Try to give more specific examples that clearly relate to your points. This will help to show how your ideas connect.
task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your main argument, and your conclusion should summarize your key points effectively.
task achievement
You have chosen an interesting topic that many can relate to, which is great for engaging the reader.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example in the second paragraph, showing a real-life situation related to your argument, which enhances your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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