All over the world societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. Obesity affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How can it be tackled?

#world #societies #obesity #children #adults #rise

In the present world , all countries around the world are facing

an increasing numbers

Correct the article-noun agreement

an increasing number

increasing numbers

show examples

obesity

. In fact ,

obesity

influnces

Correct your spelling

influences

all different ages . In

this

essay, I will discuss two of the main causes and give solutions. Actually, the

first

main reason for

obesity

is junk

food

This

is because

people

these days eating so much fast

food

rather than eating vegetables and fruits, which means consuming more calories and fats.

In addition

, another cause for

obesity

is the sedentary

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

life style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

that most of us have. Many jobs do not require physical

active

Replace the word

activity

show examples

people

sit for more than seven hours

then

go home and sit again for watching TV .

As a result

this

people

do not have

any

Correct your spelling

show examples

opportunity to burn the calories that had consumed. There are two main solutions

for

Change preposition

show examples

the

obesity

problem.

First

, the government should

rise

Correct your spelling

raise

show examples

the taxes for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

fast

Add a hyphen

fast-food

show examples

food

which means it will be difficult for most

people

to buy junk

food

For example

, in 2019 a study was conducted by Oxford University , which find usually

people

leave the high

price

Correct your spelling

priced

show examples

product even if they were used to it . The

second

best idea to solve

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

obesity

sport

Add an article

a sport

show examples

which means

people

should go to

gym

Add an article

the gym

a gym

show examples

or walk for at least thirty minutes

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

This

will burn the calories and protect the human body from some diseases

such

as diabetes and blood pressure.

Therefore

, it is clear that avoiding junk

food

and doing some sports will help to lose weight and overcome

obesity

. To conclude, there are two main causes for

obesity

which are fast

food

and

sedentary

Correct article usage

a sedentary

show examples

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

life style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

However

, the government can play

very

Add an article

a very

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important role by applying

high

Add an article

the high

a high

show examples

rate of taxes and

people

should be more

physical

Change the adjective

physically

show examples

active

Replace the word

activity

show examples

which means workouts each day.

Submitted by ms.056 on Sat Jun 19 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

305 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Obesity
Overweight
Epidemic
Sedentary
Processed food
Fast food
Nutritional education
Awareness
Stress
Emotional eating
Genetic factors
Access
Healthy food options
Marketing
Urbanization
Lifestyles

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All over the world societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. Obesity affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How can it be tackled?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many people are now working from home every day instead of travelling to the office What are some of the advantages and disadvantages of this for workers and employers? Discuss your ideas and support them with reasons and examples

Some people feel that boarding schools are an excellent option for children, while other people disagree for many reasons. Consider both sides of this debate and conclude.

Many people use distance-learning programmes (study material, post, TV, the Internet, etc.) to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefits of attending college or university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?