IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Modern technology is now very common in most workplaces. How do you think has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages of relying to much on technology?

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These days, modern
technology
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 is widely used in the majority of workplaces. In my opinion,
this
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 has helped
companies
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 to save a lot of money;
nevertheless
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, there are some disadvantages that can be noted when they depend on
technology
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 too much. With the help of
technology
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,
companies
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 can save a lot of money.
This
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 is because computers are well-developed in all areas and are cheaper than hiring employees.
For example
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, computerisation includes speed, accuracy, adaptability, and high memory capabilities.
Moreover
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, a computer can do many more things than a person can.
Hence
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, computers have easily replaced humans., so the
companies
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 can just buy more machines and hire fewer
people
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 to take care of the machines. One of the drawbacks of technologies in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
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 is that the number of
people
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 who don’t have jobs will increase.
In other words
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, computerisation has reduced the need for employees in many industries.
For instance
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, more and more
people
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 are facing downsizing and higher unemployment rates.
As a result
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, a large number of
people
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 have no financial resources because of
this
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 , and
then
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 they can't survive and go bankrupt. Another problem is that
people
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 will have issues with social skills.
That is
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 to say, when
people
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 work around machines for a long time, they become less social.There is no communication between employees, and the work becomes boring and soulless.Long hours of no communication and boring work environments make
people
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 feel stressed and tired, which leads to a lack of energy to communicate and social skills
also
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 deteriorate.
To sum up
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, when
companies
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 use modern
technology
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, they can save a lot of money,but they
also
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 will lose social skills and a high unemployment rate with computerisation.

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on each example given and how it directly relates to the main point of the paragraph. This can help in making your arguments more compelling and specific.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is logically structured, some paragraphs could use better transitional phrases to link ideas more smoothly. This will improve the overall coherence and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your argument.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant to the topic and well-supported.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • software applications
  • high-speed internet
  • communication
  • collaboration
  • geographical boundaries
  • remote work
  • flexibility
  • work-life balance
  • skill gaps
  • job displacement
  • automation
  • artificial intelligence
  • dependency
  • security risks
  • data breaches
  • cyber attacks
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