Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. What is your opinion?

#people #money #factor #happiness

In the

contemprory

Correct your spelling

contemporary

era,

people

are busy

Change preposition

apply

show examples

proliferating

money

with the

believe

Replace the word

belief

show examples

that it is a major factor of

happiness

.While

other

Correct pronoun usage

others

show examples

believes

Change the article

show examples

amount of capital is not the only factor for being happy.In

this

essay,I will discuss why

money

is not important to get peace of mind and

decribe

Correct your spelling

describe

how good relation helps to get

happines

Correct your spelling

happiness

in life.

To begin

with,

people

who earn high wadge does not mean they are

more happy

Replace the words

happier

show examples

than

people

who earn limited wadge. To elaborate

this

, a lot of

people

who has major

revanue

Correct your spelling

revenue

might be unhappy in their life because of family and work-life balance.

For instance

, most of the developed

contries

Correct your spelling

countries

failing behind the developing nation in term of contentment index because they are stressed

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show examples

fast-paced

Add an article

the fast-paced

a fast-paced

show examples

culture of corporate.

Therefore

, not being able to spend time for personal life, while

earn

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earning

show examples

lots of

money

can never bring

happiness

. On the flip side,

happiness

is certainly bring

Change the verb form

is certainly brought

show examples

by the love and affection a man get

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from

show examples

their friends and family.to explain it

firther

Correct your spelling

further

money

can bring

opportunity

Correct article usage

the opportunity

show examples

to enjoy

plessure

Correct your spelling

pleasure

, while few

people

would enjoy

then

own their own.

For instance

, if a person

get

Change the verb form

gets

show examples

Correct your spelling

handsome

handsom

Correct article usage

a handsom

show examples

amount of

salery

Correct your spelling

salary

but has no family or friends to

sahre

Correct your spelling

his

Correct pronoun usage

him

show examples

he would likely

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

Correct your spelling

unhappy

show examples

un happy

Correct your spelling

unhappy

show examples

thus

being

surronded

Correct your spelling

surrounded

loving

Correct article usage

a loving

show examples

and

affectioned

Replace the word

affection

show examples

family

Change preposition

for family

show examples

is more important than

Change the article

show examples

amount of capital. In conclusion,

money

import

Replace the word

important

show examples

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

survival needs but has no role

Change preposition

show examples

getting

happiness

, as

plessure

Correct your spelling

pleasure

pressure

can

Change preposition

apply

show examples

from

money

it will by having affectionate family and friends.

Submitted by manasvimahant on Sat Jun 19 2021

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
37Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. What is your opinion?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In many countries today, crime novels and TV crime dramas are becoming more and more popular. Why do you think these books and TV shows are popular? What is your opinion of crime fiction and TV crime dramas?

The number of cars has increased significantly in major cities. What problems does this cause? What are some solutions to these problems?

Some people think that only the government can make changes in the society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion?

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?