IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that competitive sports both team and individual have no place in the school curriculum. How much do you agree or disagree?

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Schools are not only known as a place to learn science and arts subjects, but they
also
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 teach you to thrive in all aspects of life, including
sports
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.
While
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, there are people who believe that
such
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 competition at an early age is not good for the
children
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,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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there are others, including me, who fully support the introduction of competitive
sports
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 to be a part of the
school
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 curriculum as there are numerous benefits that can only be gained by
this
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.
Firstly
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, looking at the advantages to be gained on an individual level. if kids are taught
sports
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 in the schools as a part of their regular studies,
this
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 will be highly beneficial for their health.
This
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 is because exercise is critical for their health.
For example
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,
children
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 who regularly participate in any
sports
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 tend to be more active, energetic and more healthy.
This
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 is why
Australians'
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Australians
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 schools regularly organise
sports
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 competitions between different grades and classes, so the
overall
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 health of the students can be improved.
Similarly
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, there are significant benefits of
team
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sports
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, and
therefore
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 it must be included in the
school
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 curriculum.
Team
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sports
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, among other things,
teaches
Correct subject-verb agreement
teach
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 young adults how to divide responsibilities and be accountable for their actions. To illustrate, in football, every
team
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 member has a specific role and the
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team
Change noun form
team's
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 success is totally
dependant
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dependent
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 on teamwork.
This
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 important lesson learned at the
school
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 helps these
children
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 in their adult
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, wherein
most
Change preposition
in most
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 jobs teamwork is highly appreciated. In conclusion, the addition of
sports
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 in the
school
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 curriculum is highly beneficial for an individual as it provides
children
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 with a healthy boost and teaches them competition, which helps them perform their jobs better in real work life.

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task response
Make sure to address all parts of the essay prompt. Reiterate your stance on whether competitive sports should be included in the school curriculum in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical flow between paragraphs and ideas to improve coherence and cohesion. Use transitional phrases to link different points together more effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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