IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that mobile phones are harmful for children, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #phones #children
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With
the
Correct article usage
apply
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techonological
Correct your spelling
technological
 advancement, smart
devices
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 are becoming more available to everyone, especially
children
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.
Although
Linking Words
,
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apply
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 these gadgets bring great utility for human life, it is believed that they can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 youngsters while others disagree with
this
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 statement. In my
view point
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viewpoint
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, it can be dangerous if we let our kids
use
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 these portable
devices
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 without any restrictions. I shall demonstrate my ideas in the following paragraph. Parents who support the
use
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 of mobile phone may argue that it can help them keep
contact
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in contact
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 with their
children
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 while they are out of school.
For example
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, many students tend to join extra activities after their class in various locations and telephones may be the perfect way to help families connect to them in emergency situations.
Moreover
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, using these portable appliances may be a great alternative learning options compare to traditional books as youngsters can access education materials or attending lectures at
anytime
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any time
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.
For instance
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, during the Covid lockdown, many schools have switched to online lectures which
has
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have
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 made tablets or smart
devices
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 become common among
children
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 for their learning.
On the other hand
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,
over exposure
Correct your spelling
overexposure
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 to smart gadgets may make users become addicted and cause detrimental effects on health. Kids may become dependent users if they play on these
devices
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 too often, which may lead to the reduction of physical activities and eye problems. Some parents today apply tablets or phones as a source of distraction to their
children
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 so they can have more spare time and focus on their works.
This
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 may be
initially
Linking Words
 effective,
however
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, in
longer
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the longer
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 term,
this
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 trend can change social behaviour and make toddlers feel inactive or refuse to play with others.
Additionally
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, popular applications
such
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 as Facebook, messenger or Instagram have become very popular, which can be compatible on mobile
devices
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.
As a result
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, students can easily access
to
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apply
show examples
these applications through their phones during class and neglect lectures at schools, which eventually reduce their concentration and learning outcomes. To avoid
this
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, some universities have restricted the
use
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 of
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
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 during study time. To sum up, technology has undoubtedly brought great benefits for human,
however
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, unlimited
use
Use synonyms
 of these inventions may underline potential drawbacks to younger generations.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive screen time
  • health problems
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • disrupted sleep patterns
  • inappropriate content
  • addiction
  • reliance
  • impair
  • social skills
  • educational tools
  • digital literacy
  • mitigated
  • parental guidance
  • safeguards
  • responsible use
  • monitored
  • development
  • benefits
  • risks
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