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Band 6

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#children #families #amounts #money #adult #life #parents
It is believed that
children
 whose families had
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 financial resources growing up are better at solving
obsticles
Correct your spelling
obstacles
 when they are older, compared to those raised by rich parents.
This
 essay will examine both sides of the provided statement, arguing that it is largely truthful. On the one hand, kids who grow up in wealthy households often get to participate in various events and workshops organized by private schools. They have the opportunity to try out many different hobbies,
go
Correct word choice
and go
show examples
 to prestigious schools where they meet successful people. These places are often advertised to teach young people ways to overcome struggles in
life
, be confident and become true leaders in the future.
Furthermore
, the kids feel secure and happy, since the majority of them are of the opinion that money can resolve every problem in
life
.
On the other hand
,
children
 living in poorer homes experience the struggles of making ends meet from a very young age.
In addition
, they are taught to be really hard-working no matter the difficulties. These young individuals are forced to be mature and save
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money without complaining.
For instance
,
children
 who live in poor households know better than to make a fuss about not getting the most popular toys or clothes.
Moreover
, if they have observed ways to deal with problems, they won’t get
strartled
Correct your spelling
startled
started
 when the same happens later in
life
.
To sum up
,
tougher
Correct article usage
a tougher
show examples
 lifestyle during the first years of
life
 teaches kids to be more responsible. In my view,
children
 from wealthy families rarely get to experience situations where serious problem-solving skills are needed, so the transition to adulthood for them is more difficult.
Submitted by evijavidemane on

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task achievement
Strengthen your supporting examples. The essay makes general statements, but adding more specific examples and evidence will make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor spelling and grammar mistakes such as 'strartled'. Proofreading your essay can help catch these small errors.
coherence cohesion
Improve the clarity and flow of the ideas. Connect different parts of your argument with more linking words and phrases to make the essay smoother to read.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance, providing a good start to your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have a well-structured conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your argument.
complete response
The essay covers both sides of the argument, displaying a good balance and depth of analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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