Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. What is your opinion?

#people #money #factor #happiness

In the contemporary era,

people

are proliferating

money

to believe that it is a significant factor of

happiness

.While others believe it is not the only factor for being happy. In my

opinion

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,opinion

show examples

happiness

is the

satisfection

Correct your spelling

satisfaction

from

core

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the core

show examples

of one’s heart which

money

can not

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

To begin

with,

people

who earn high wage does not mean they are

more happy

Replace the words

happier

show examples

than

people

who earn

limited

Add an article

a limited

show examples

wage. To elaborate

this

, a lot of

people

who has major

revanue

Correct your spelling

revenue

might be unhappy in their life because of family and work-life balance.

For instance

, most of the developed

contries

Correct your spelling

countries

failing behind the developing nation in term of contentment index because they are stressed

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show examples

fast-paced

Add an article

the fast-paced

a fast-paced

show examples

culture of corporate and not being able to spend time for personal life. So, earn lots of

money

can never bring

happiness

. On the flip side, few

people

think

money

is the most important factor for

happiness

. As

money

is essasention to buy all kinds of stuff

inclding

Correct your spelling

including

daily food to

luxery

Correct your spelling

luxury

life,

people

find

happiness

in these

materialstic

Correct your spelling

materialistic

things. Along with

this

welth

Correct your spelling

wealth

also

essential for education as well as medical treatment. Certainly,

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apply

show examples

good higher education and medical support could not possible without

hafty

Correct your spelling

hefty

safety

-paycheque.

Therefore

people

believe large fund

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

them more independent and confident in order to

achive

Correct your spelling

achieve

happiness

. In conclusion,

although

numerous

people

believe

money

is the only medium to bring

happiness

and they find it in materialistic

thiings

Correct your spelling

things

, in my

opinion

Add the comma(s)

,opinion

show examples

it is required for survival but it is independent

from

Change the preposition

show examples

happyness

Correct your spelling

happiness

Submitted by manasvimahant on Mon Jun 21 2021

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

251 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. What is your opinion?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam'. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

With a growing population, many people believe that we should focus on producing more GM food. What are the advantages and disadvantages of doing this?