Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. What is your opinion?

#people #money #factor #happiness

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In the contemporary era,

people

Use synonyms

are proliferating

money

Use synonyms

to believe that it is a significant factor of

happiness

Use synonyms

.While others believe it is not the only factor for being happy. In my

opinion

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,opinion

show examples

happiness

Use synonyms

is the

satisfection

Correct your spelling

satisfaction

from

core

Add an article

the core

show examples

of one’s heart which

money

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can not

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

To begin

Linking Words

with,

people

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who earn high wage does not mean they are

more happy

Replace the words

happier

show examples

than

people

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who earn

limited

Add an article

a limited

show examples

wage. To elaborate

this

Linking Words

, a lot of

people

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who has major

revanue

Correct your spelling

revenue

might be unhappy in their life because of family and work-life balance.

For instance

Linking Words

, most of the developed

contries

Correct your spelling

countries

failing behind the developing nation in term of contentment index because they are stressed

Change preposition

show examples

fast-paced

Add an article

the fast-paced

a fast-paced

show examples

culture of corporate and not being able to spend time for personal life. So, earn lots of

money

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can never bring

happiness

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. On the flip side, few

people

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think

money

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is the most important factor for

happiness

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. As

money

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is essasention to buy all kinds of stuff

inclding

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including

daily food to

luxery

Correct your spelling

luxury

life,

people

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find

happiness

Use synonyms

in these

materialstic

Correct your spelling

materialistic

things. Along with

this

Linking Words

welth

Correct your spelling

wealth

also

Linking Words

essential for education as well as medical treatment. Certainly,

Remove the article

apply

show examples

good higher education and medical support could not possible without

hafty

Correct your spelling

hefty

safety

-paycheque.

Therefore

Linking Words

people

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believe large fund

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

them more independent and confident in order to

achive

Correct your spelling

achieve

happiness

Use synonyms

. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

numerous

people

Use synonyms

believe

money

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is the only medium to bring

happiness

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and they find it in materialistic

thiings

Correct your spelling

things

, in my

opinion

Add the comma(s)

,opinion

show examples

it is required for survival but it is independent

from

Change the preposition

show examples

happyness

Correct your spelling

happiness

Submitted by manasvimahant on Mon Jun 21 2021

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. What is your opinion?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Instead of asking the government to bear the cost of higher education, students should pay their own tuition fees themselves. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

People have to spend more and more time travelling from their homes for jobs and study. What are the reasons? How can we solve this problem?

An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping on line.