Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. What is your opinion?

In the contemporary era,
people
are proliferating
money
to believe that it is a significant factor of
happiness
.While others believe it is not the only factor for being happy. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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happiness
is the
satisfection
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
from
core
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the core
show examples
of one’s heart which
money
can not
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
.
To begin
with,
people
who earn high wage does not mean they are
more happy
Replace the words
happier
show examples
than
people
who earn
limited
Add an article
a limited
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wage. To elaborate
this
, a lot of
people
who has major
revanue
Correct your spelling
revenue
might be unhappy in their life because of family and work-life balance.
For instance
, most of the developed
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
failing behind the developing nation in term of contentment index because they are stressed
of
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by
show examples
fast-paced
Add an article
the fast-paced
a fast-paced
show examples
culture of corporate and not being able to spend time for personal life. So, earn lots of
money
can never bring
happiness
. On the flip side, few
people
think
money
is the most important factor for
happiness
. As
money
is essasention to buy all kinds of stuff
inclding
Correct your spelling
including
daily food to
luxery
Correct your spelling
luxury
life,
people
find
happiness
in these
materialstic
Correct your spelling
materialistic
things. Along with
this
,
welth
Correct your spelling
wealth
is
also
essential for education as well as medical treatment. Certainly,
a
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apply
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good higher education and medical support could not possible without
hafty
Correct your spelling
hefty
safety
-paycheque.
Therefore
,
people
believe large fund
make
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makes
show examples
them more independent and confident in order to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
happiness
. In conclusion,
although
numerous
people
believe
money
is the only medium to bring
happiness
and they find it in materialistic
thiings
Correct your spelling
things
, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
,opinion
show examples
it is required for survival but it is independent
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
happyness
Correct your spelling
happiness
.
Submitted by manasvimahant on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

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Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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