IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In our modern world, it is really convenient that
people
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 can purchase any
food
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 from around the world in their local supermarket. In my opinion,
besides
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 the benefits it may bring to individuals, I assume that
this
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 is a negative development because of the demerits it may have on
people
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’s lives. First of all, importing foreign
food
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 to supermarkets may cause a decline in the figure for local agricultural production.
This
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 is because
people
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 can buy any
food
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 that they like from all over the world, so local
food
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 may be forgotten and will affect the economy of that country.
And the
Correct word choice
The
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 consequence of
this
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 trend is that farmers may face financial difficulties and struggle to sustain their livelihoods. The aforementioned situation has not only affected the farmers’ income but has
also
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 disrupted the local economy in various ways.
Moreover
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,
people
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 have to pay a certain amount of money for
the
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apply
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taxes on foreign
food
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, so it may be hard for some individuals to afford to buy
this
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 cuisine.
Secondly
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, consuming too much globally sourced
food
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 in supermarkets can increase the ability
for
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of
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people
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 to meet
health
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 problems. In the past, humans were limited to buying foreign foods and were recommended to purchase local ones. But nowadays, too much freedom in
food
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 choice globally can lead to several
health
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 issues for some individuals who do not have enough knowledge.
For example
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, in Vietnam,
according to
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 VTV, younger
people
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 consume
Cocacola
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Coca-Cola
, a type of gas drink, more than in the past. In 1990, on average, a person drank 1 can of
Cocacola
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Coca-Cola
 in a year, which was 60 cans, but nowadays
this
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 number has increased to 500 per individual. It can be seen that these
people
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 may have physical
health
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 problems
such
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 as obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure and even stroke. In conclusion,
although
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people
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 can choose a lot of
food
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 to eat, the consequences for the local economy, farmers’ income, and
people
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’s
health
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 are more significant. The government should have some solutions in order to tackle
this
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 issue.

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task achievement
To improve task response, consider providing more specific examples or data to further substantiate your points. Additionally, address potential counterarguments to show a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, utilize more varied transition phrases and connectors to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph is distinct but clearly connected to the overall argument.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing the potential negative impacts of global food availability on local economies and public health.
coherence cohesion
Each main point is well-supported with reasoning and examples, making the argument more robust and persuasive.
coherence/cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay, giving it a clear beginning and end.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrition
  • cultural exposure
  • competitive markets
  • economic boost
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • local produce
  • food security
  • global supply chain
  • sustainable practices
  • consumer choice
  • market dynamics
  • price competition
  • agricultural sector
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