Machines are taking over more and more jobs previously done by humans. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion.

It has been pointed out that a huge number of work that people did in the past has been taken over by technology. In my opinion,
this
trend leads to two benefits for manufacturers and factories,
however
, it is
also
devastatingly detrimental for individuals who did those jobs before
machines
. On the one hand, when machinery is used to produce items, it not only brings more profits to manufacturers but
also
increases the quality of products.
Although
companies have to invest a significant amount of money to purchase and update their facilities, as long as
machines
are set up and can replace labour completely, factories do not need to pay most of the labour fees in the long run, which is the biggest part of the expense. As precision instruments are controlled by intelligent computer systems, fewer mistakes can be made,
thus
the quality of goods is guaranteed.
For instance
, most investors whose companies in China have utilized
machines
to produce their goods say that apart from enhancing the products’ quality,
machines
also
help them to save a massive percentage of money which is the workers’ salary. Be careful of overusing cohesive devices – every sentence should not begin with a cohesive device.
On the other hand
, the significant drawback is that those who worked in industries were made redundant by
such
technology, which
causes
Wrong verb form
caused
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their lives to become unstable and uneasy. In order to earn their livelihood, those unemployed people have to spend a period of time finding other jobs or receiving
further
training,
thus
resulting in their lives becoming difficult.
For instance
, some of the locals in China who were hired by factories present that as their tasks have been replaced by machinery thoroughly, it is extremely tough for them to find a lucrative job with their current abilities. So, they have to change their occupations
,
Remove the comma
apply
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and even need to receive
further
education,
thus
creating excessive hardships in their lives. In conclusion, the development of machinery is beneficial for manufacturers, but the downside for former workers should be considered.
Submitted by strawberry.guan on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main point and supporting details. Also, use transition words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
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