IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In some countries, there is an increase in the number of parents who educate their children at home. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #parents #children #home #development
More
parents
 prefer to family teaching in some countries nowadays. In my view, it reflects a positive
development
 both in
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 and the enhanced view of
education
. It is undoubtedly the economic
development
 offers much guarantee for parental
education
 at home.
Parents
 can spend more time in the family rather than pushed by tough work, a condition that was very common several years ago when
parents
 had to struggle to live for their belly satisfaction.
Instead
,
parents
 are capable
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
company
Add an article
a company
the company
show examples
 with their
kids
, teaching, playing, and shaping children to independent well-being individuals since they are more confident with their pockets today.
This
 pattern would produce more creative and excellent
next
 generations in verse, making our countries more developed. Another reason is the awareness of the importance of family
education
, driving people
take
Add the particle
to take
show examples
 more time to stay with their
kids
. The mental and conscious
development
 gives
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 rational sight towards the growth of their
kids
. More people have realized their roles in the life of
kids
, not only
delivery
Replace the word
delivered
show examples
 when they are born
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 the
first
 tutors of their babies. They are aware that they need to lead
kids
 to get in touch with the world and build their mind in aspects like creativity. It is well-accepted common sense in recent years rather than previous society when only those in high degrees could
obtain
Correct pronoun usage
itobtain
show examples
. In conclusion, I firmly argue that the increased population prior to family
education
 in the growth of their children is
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
development
.
Submitted by lymlin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tailor the curriculum
  • personalized educational experience
  • safe learning environment
  • bullying
  • peer pressure
  • social issues
  • extracurricular activities
  • social interaction
  • social development
  • real-world skills
  • academic progress
  • flexibility in scheduling
  • unique circumstances
  • special needs
  • standardized assessments
  • accountability measures
  • quality of education
  • frequent travel
What to do next:
Look at other essays: