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Band 4.5

Many parents today do not spend much time with their children. Why is this? Does this affect parents or children more?

#parents #time #children #affect
Spending
time
 with own
children
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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declined
since
Change preposition
in
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last
Correct article usage
the last
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 few decades. Busy
work-life
Correct your spelling
work life
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 and the internet explosion are the main two culprits of the issue; unfortunately,
this
 situation has brought more problems than any minor benefits.
Why
Rephrase
Parents
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parents
 do not have enough
time
 for
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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due to
hectic
Correct article usage
the hectic
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 nature of their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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as well as
 excessive use of online sites.
In other words
, having a busy and tiring day at work, gradually, after returning home, individuals tend to experience severe weakness and
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
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 to
take
Verb problem
apply
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rest rather than
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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time
 with their offspring.
Secondly
, even though they have sufficient
time
in
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on
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 their hand, they often engage on social media: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and so on.
As a result
,
children
 are isolated and
felt
Wrong verb form
feel
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 neglected, eventually, strong family
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 may be bleak. The
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
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 scenario
is
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apply
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usually negatively
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 both
children
 and
parents
well
Rephrase
apply
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. Looking into the
youngsters
Change to a genitive case
youngster's
youngsters'
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 aspects, since the younger ones
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
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wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
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 to be loved and cared
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for as
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as
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for as
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 they are not received the same from
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apply
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by
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apply
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their family, they often
Correct your spelling
end up
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end-up
Correct your spelling
end up
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 in wrong companies and engaging some illegal activities; they may commit crimes unknowingly,
for instance
, phishing, identity theft, illegal drug use and many more. Eventually, when the
parents
 realise what is happening in their
children
Change noun form
children's
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 life, they often feel not only regret but hit into a depressive stage. In conclusion, whenever
parents
 fail to find
time
 for
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 next generation causes serious ramifications
to
Change preposition
for
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 both of their lives.
This
 mostly happens
the
Correct word choice
because the
show examples
 elders may
tired
Add a missing verb
be tired
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 or
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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time
 online rather than
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the child. It is predicated that if necessary action
did
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not
take
Wrong verb form
taken
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 to counteract the consequences, the outcome would be tremendous.
Submitted by Sal on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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