IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #work #time #community #teenager #society
Some individuals suggest that every youngster should spend their leisure
time
 on helping the local community without payments
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it has benefits for both young generations and society. Personally, I completely disagree with
this
 point of view.
Firstly
, it would be irrelevant/inappropriate not proper and unfair to force young students to do unpaid work for the locals
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 their school break. Most young people are already suffering from heavy pressure from their studies. Students spend most of the day studying at school, and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the rest of the
time
, they have to do homework, review for exams
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and attend extra classes.
In addition
, they have to participate in other extracurricular activities of the school.
Therefore
, they should be able to rest and take part in leisure activities in their spare
time
 to relax and release stress.
Moreover
,
teenagers
 are at the age of learning and the most important task for them right now is to study well. If they take
time
 out to do unrelated jobs, there will not be enough
time
 left for their study and some other activities for the comprehensive development.
This
 will affect their academic performance and have a negative effect on their future.
Second
, learning is the most effective way for young people to help society. When
teenagers
 are well educated, they will become good citizens.
This
 will help create a healthy society and enhance our quality of life.
Furthermore
,
teenagers
 may lack both physical strengths and not be physically strong enough and lack the necessary
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 skills, so they should wait until they are older to do work. When youngsters focus on doing well academically, they will have a high level of expertise and become the skilled workforce in the future.
This
 leads to the improvement of the quality of
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 and the productivity of the whole country and the development of the country's economy. In conclusion, I believe that the choice of whether
helping
Change the verb form
to help
show examples
 the local free or not belongs to
teenagers
, and we should not make
this
 compulsory.
Submitted by nguyenletrung90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: