IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Young people are much more aware of and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty, and animal welfare than previous generations. What is your opinion?

#people #environment #poverty #welfare #generations
Some prospects believe that
eco-friendly
Correct article usage
an eco-friendly
show examples
 lifestyle with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
concerns regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
income disparity and animal well-being
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 at the heart of
this
generation
's attention while others detect no change in prioritizing social issues between different age groups of people. To my belief, I
am unequivocally agree
Change the verb form
unequivocally agree
show examples
 with the former perspective as the prosperity of liberal values -
such
 as the non-
anthropologistic
Correct your spelling
anthropologists
anthropologist
 stance,
right
 and
freedom
 - were only
withnessed
Correct your spelling
witnessed
witnesses
 at the eminence of
2000s
Correct article usage
the 2000s
show examples
.
Previous
Change the article
The previous
show examples
generation
 was struggling with incessant wars and nation-building projects. Appreciation of equality between the rich and the
poors
Correct your spelling
poor
, human and nature or animal were not incorporated into the leading policy of any countries: The expansion and
stregthening
Correct your spelling
strengthening
 of the nations were the dominating
theme
Change the noun form
themes
show examples
 during that period.
Anthrocentric
Correct your spelling
Anthropocentric
 and
patriocentric
Correct your spelling
pericentric
 were the common key ideologies adopted in the old world as if they were the monoculture for people of that
generation
. Liberal ideology began to flourish after the worldwide conflicts had subsided following the Cold War in 1999. Once the pressing issue was removed from the table, governments and their population eventually gained the luxury to consider the welfare of people,
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and animals. These thinkings became mainstream owing to the upholding of the value of
right
 and
freedom
.
Initial
Add an article
The initial
show examples
 concern with
right
 and
freedom
 has gradually embedded into the social norms and
expended
Correct your spelling
expanded
show examples
 into a vast scope. The poor, non-human species and ecosystem were given
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 and
freedom
 to be taken care of and be free from invasive exploitation. In conclusion,
this
generation
 has upheld the liberal values
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
concerning
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
right
 and
freedom
 of fellow humans, animals and environments; the trend of the scale that has not observed precedently in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human history.
Therefore
, it is not an exaggeration to regard these values as the current monoculture uniquely to
this
generation
.
Submitted by marisa.ishikawa24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: