IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

As countries develop, population tend to live by themselves, what are its causes? What effect dose it have on the social?

#countries #population #effect #dose
More and more
people
 tend to live by themselves is a good signal that
life
Correct article usage
the life
show examples
 qualities of the population in a country are increasing since poor residents do not have
this
 chance. There are various reasons that motivated
people
 to live by themselves.
First
,
people
 start to consider more about
privacy
Add an article
the privacy
show examples
 of an individual, which they do not want his or her family to involve.
Second
, different family members may work in different places or cities, living separately but near to their workplaces can reduce time-consumption on their way to work.
Last
 but not least,
people
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
 alone can have more freedom to in charge of their leisure
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
instead
 of being interrupted by others,
such
 as their sleeping timetable. Roughly speaking,
life
Correct article usage
the life
show examples
 qualities of
people
 who live alone are better than others, which means that
happiness
Correct article usage
the happiness
show examples
 level of societies is higher.
However
, some negative effects will occur at the same time. As
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
living alone increases, the probability of elderly
people
 living alone will
also
increases
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
.
This
 will create many challenges to societies and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 development because elderly
people
 are inconvenient to finish housework alone, and some may even hard to take medical services on time when they get sick.
In addition
,
people
 who live alone will lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
daily
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
show examples
 with their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
People
 may easy to get stuck in a
frustrated
Replace the word
frustrating
show examples
 situation and without any help at home. Seriously, some of them may have mental disorders or unhealthy lifestyles like
drug
Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
show examples
 and alcohol.
This
 will
also
 impact the development of societies. Overall,
people
 live alone can improve
qualities
Correct article usage
the qualities
show examples
 of their life. And there are some negative results that we should notice.
Submitted by huangjiancong863 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: