IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Should long-term job seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work so that they give something back to the community? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#job #seekers #receipt #government #work #community
Unemployed
people
 in order to be thankful
to
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 the government payments ought to
work
 voluntarily
then
, they might exchange their workforce
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 what they have received from the
country
. I believe
this
 donation is useful to the community and they may show their gratitude to the state.
To begin
 with,
people
 need to
broad
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broaden
show examples
 their network chain, because it certainly helps them feeling part of the local community.
In other words
, a
person
 who is open to
work
Change the verb form
working
show examples
 regardless
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 is payable or not
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 presents important and valuable characteristics.
Besides
, it is a beautiful way to be thankful for what their
country
 is doing for them.
Consequently
, by doing
this
, a
country
 is cultivating genuine characteristics amongst citizens which display their openness to develop themselves and be better human beings. Another important reason
that is
 beneficial for a nation to keep a
person
 occupied is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 several crimes might be avoided.
In other words
,
people
 who
has
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have
show examples
 nothing to do neither
wants
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want
show examples
 to be busy,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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lack accountability and easily can sell themselves to criminality. Once they are doing some
work
, even if it is unpaid, they have duties and rules to follow. If a
person
 has too much free time, they have more tendency to addictions
such
 as drugs and alcoholism and it can easily turn into a crime. In conclusion, a
person
 who is open to
work
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working
show examples
 regardless
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 task or payment,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
show great feelings to their
country
. I truly see positive aspects related to it, because
people
 may increase their friendship by reinforcing their network and
also
, indirectly contributes to diminishing crime rates.
Submitted by alexandretco on

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