Some say that many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Since there has been an increase in the average
life
expectancy, many
individuals
claim that the
age
at which
people
retire from work should be raised significantly. From my perspective, nowadays, our longevity is greater,
however
,
thy
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
should not be a
considrable
Correct your spelling
considerable
growth in the retiring
age
. In these modern days, I believe ,
individuals
are holding a longer
life
span, comparing with the past, due to an improvement in science and better living standard.
Firstly
,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the enormous development in science, it allows
people
to have easy access to
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
medical treatments and healthcare.
People
may be able to recover completely from some diseases, which were considered to be disastrous and incurable in the past,
such
as leprosy. As a consequence, the
life
expectancy of
individuals
tends to be expanded remarkably.
Secondly
, there has been a sustainable rise in
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
standard of living that provides
people
an
Add the preposition
with an
show examples
opportunity to put great emphasis on health. Since
people
may lead a superior
life
, a wider range of food and beverage
selection
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selections
show examples
is available.
In other words
,
people
have a tendency to contemplate carefully before giving their decision, in order to
preven
Correct your spelling
prevent
people
from having common health problems
as
Replace the word
like
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obesity or diabetes.
This
is likely to bring out an increase in the average longevity.
However
, the authority had better not increase the
age
at which
people
retire from work because an alteration may have an adverse impact on the productivity of work and the young generation. As the older an individual get, the more likely
that
Correct pronoun usage
it that
show examples
he will be incapable of having a potential physical statement that he used to have.
As a result
, the quality of his working performance might be decreased, which brings out a reduction in the turnover of a company.
In addition
, the young generation seems to be affected negatively, because they have to compete with the older generation for a position in a business harshly. More
people
will be challenged with unemployment , which
migh
Correct your spelling
might
put a strain on their financial problems. To conclude,
although
I agree with the statement that the
life
expectancy of
individuals
is extended, the retiring
age
should not be changed.
Submitted by khuongquynhnga1997 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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