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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#countries #people #work #move #friends #families #development
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In today’s world, job opportunities are increasingly scarce
due to
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 population growth, which intensifies competition in the global job market.
As a result
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, distancing ourselves from those we frequently socialize with could enhance our focus and improve our chances of securing employment.
However
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,
this
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 approach carries both benefits and drawbacks, which I will discuss in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
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, separating from friends and family can be seen as stepping out of our comfort zone. Living independently, without the familiar support of loved ones, can create a sense of vulnerability, as there is no immediate help in case of difficulties.
This
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 sense of urgency can sharpen our focus on finding a job, as we are compelled to sustain ourselves financially, increasing our motivation to secure employment.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 decision can
also
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 lead to immense pressure, which not everyone is equipped to handle. The stress of being isolated and the urgency to succeed may cause some individuals to panic, potentially resulting in adverse outcomes
such
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 as depression or, in extreme cases, suicidal thoughts.
Therefore
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,
this
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 strategy may not be suitable for individuals with unstable mental health, as the psychological risks are significant. In conclusion, the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 approach largely depend on an individual’s mindset and mental well-being. It places us in a situation where success feels like a matter of survival. Those prepared to handle the pressure may benefit from
this
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 method,
while
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 it is not advisable for those who are not mentally ready to take on
such
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 a challenge.
Submitted by novendyevan122 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples from your own knowledge or experience to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct main idea to improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly expressed and easy to understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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