IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think young people should receive full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extend do u agree or disagree.

Many people believe that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation should Pursue higher
studies
Use synonyms
 until they are grown up to 18. Personally, I entirely agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view. As will be discussed now. There are several reasons for many adolescents which
de emphasize
Add a hyphen
de-emphasize
show examples
 their
education
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a majority of parents have
economic
Add an article
an economic
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crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
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 due to less salaries as well as hiking livelihoods.
However
Linking Words
, the pressure of financial defects
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 terribly affecting
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youth’s
carriers
Correct your spelling
careers
show examples
. Because they have to work
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
 to survive apart from attaining schools.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, Govt should support monetarily to encourage young
gills
Correct your spelling
girls
show examples
 to broaden their educational horizons.
Secondly
Linking Words
, along with
benefits
Add a comma
,benefits
show examples
 there are as many disadvantages with developed technologies,
such
Linking Words
 as Tiktok, YouTube and many other, which are straying growing minds to adhere
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 higher
education
Use synonyms
. To cite an example, my nephew, who was an erudite student at the time of his schooling, but now indulged more in
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
, as the classes for higher educations are through online meetings.
Consequently
Linking Words
, he lost his interest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 learning educational skills, so he started earning for his
pocketmoney
Correct your spelling
pocket money
pocket-money
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
is mandate
Change the verb form
is mandated
show examples
 everywhere. As
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
ingenious pupils are the main key for country’s development.
Moreover
Linking Words
, by engaging fully in
studies
Use synonyms
 one could rose their living standards.
However
Linking Words
, every work field, either medical or technical, demands higher
education
Use synonyms
 for good services as well as would increment payments. If a student works along with
studies
Use synonyms
 it may lower their interest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 learning new skills.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if they start earning they would not plan to pursue
further
Linking Words
studies
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, The Govt should fulfil the basic requirements of the family and should make educational zones easier for minorities as an appreciation to continue their
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
. To conclude, despite all negative facts which would interrupt the
studies
Use synonyms
 of young
gills
Correct your spelling
girls
show examples
, all growing minds should be given
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
education
Use synonyms
. The Govt must enforce mandate
education
Use synonyms
.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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