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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graphs depict the percentage of households owning
electron
Replace the word
electronic
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 devices,
such
Linking Words
 as washing
machine
Use synonyms
, refrigerators and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner and their housework time in a particular country from 1920 and 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 over the period as a whole the ownership of electrical appliances rose in all three categories.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the amount of time spent on household chores declined in given years. In the year 1920, there was no household with
refrigerator
Correct article usage
a refrigerator
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 30% of families had
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
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 and 40% of them had
washing
Add an article
a washing
show examples
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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. The number of
owners
Use synonyms
 of washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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 and
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 both increased by 20% during the
next
Linking Words
 two decades,
whereas
Linking Words
 families with
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
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 experienced a significant rise to around 55%. Despite some downward trend in washing
machine
Use synonyms
owners
Use synonyms
 from 1960 to 1980, they all
then
Linking Words
 followed a similar trend, increased steadily to 100% (refrigerator and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner
owners
Use synonyms
) and about 74% (washing
machine
Use synonyms
owners
Use synonyms
). As given in the
second
Linking Words
 chart, people spent 50
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
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doing housework in 1920.
However
Linking Words
, the amount of housework dropped considerably to reach 20
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 in 1960.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, it fall again in 1980, reaching approximately 15
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
. Over the
next
Linking Words
 two decades, the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 remained static, after which
this
Linking Words
 figure decreased slightly to finish the period at around 11
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "next".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words machine, vacuum, owners, hours, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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