Nowadays, more and more children play computer games. Why do you think this is the case? Is it a positive or negative development?
In our technological era, the number of
children
playing online games
significantly increases every year. This
is caused by the influence of technology on teenagers, however
, it has negative impacts on children
's health
.
Many adolescents prefer to spend their free time playing computer games
instead
of physical activities. Today every teenager has a smartphone and computer at home and they have access to a variety of online games
via gadgets. Furthermore
, playing online games
gives a sense of achievement in solving a range
of problems
in the games
As a result
, children
are dependent on games
and they want to play other difficult levels. For example
, The game called Roblox on the smartphone has a range
of levels with different challenges. When children
start to play they get excited and cannot stop. Consequently
, after every level they want to achieve high levels.
This
trend has negative effects on children
's health
. Firstly
, children
's physical health
is damaged, because they avoid physical activities and it contributes to the risk of a range
of diseases, such
as high blood pressure and more. Moreover
, children
who spend a lot of time playing online games
can consume a lot more food than they should, hence
contributing to obesity.
For instance
, recent research concluded that obesity and other health
problems
among children
are one of the main problems
nowadays. The government provides a range
of activities and events for teenagers in the school to solve this
problem.
In conclusion,the number of children
who play computer games
is increasing significantly because of the development of technology and the internet. The negative effects of this
trend is
the Correct subject-verb agreement
are
health
problems
of children
also
dramatically increasing every year.Submitted by janmuldayevaa1 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
To improve your task response, ensure that all points raised in the prompt are addressed in a balanced manner. Consider elaborating on the positive aspects of playing computer games if possible, as the question asks for your opinion on both the reasons for the trend and whether it is positive or negative.
coherence cohesion
Adding more connecting words and phrases can improve coherence and cohesion. For instance, use transitions like 'Furthermore,’ ‘In addition,’ ‘On the other hand,’ and so on.
supported main points
While your main points are clearly supported, try providing more detailed and specific examples where possible. Examples from reliable sources can make your argument more persuasive.
introduction conclusion present
You’ve clearly introduced the topic and provided a summary at the end, which helps frame your essay well.
logical structure
Your ideas are mostly clear and logically structured, making it easier for readers to follow your argument.
relevant specific examples
You've used relevant examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.