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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, more and more children play computer games. Why do you think this is the case? Is it a positive or negative development?

#children #computer #games #case #development
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In our technological era, the number of
children
 playing online
games
 significantly increases every year.
This
 is caused by the influence of technology on teenagers,
however
, it has negative impacts on
children
's
health
. Many adolescents prefer to spend their free time playing computer
games
instead
 of physical activities. Today every teenager has a smartphone and computer at home and they have access to a variety of online
games
 via gadgets.
Furthermore
, playing online
games
 gives a sense of achievement in solving a
range
 of
problems
 in the
games
As a result
,
children
 are dependent on
games
 and they want to play other difficult levels.
For example
, The game called Roblox on the smartphone has a
range
 of levels with different challenges. When
children
 start to play they get excited and cannot stop.
Consequently
, after every level they want to achieve high levels.
This
 trend has negative effects on
children
's
health
.
Firstly
,
children
's physical
health
 is damaged, because they avoid physical activities and it contributes to the risk of a
range
 of diseases,
such
 as high blood pressure and more.
Moreover
,
children
 who spend a lot of time playing online
games
 can consume a lot more food than they should,
hence
 contributing to obesity.
For instance
, recent research concluded that obesity and other
health
problems
 among
children
 are one of the main
problems
 nowadays. The government provides a
range
 of activities and events for teenagers in the school to solve
this
 problem. In conclusion,the number of
children
 who play computer
games
 is increasing significantly because of the development of technology and the internet. The negative effects of
this
 trend
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the
health
problems
 of
children
also
 dramatically increasing every year.
Submitted by janmuldayevaa1 on

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task response
To improve your task response, ensure that all points raised in the prompt are addressed in a balanced manner. Consider elaborating on the positive aspects of playing computer games if possible, as the question asks for your opinion on both the reasons for the trend and whether it is positive or negative.
coherence cohesion
Adding more connecting words and phrases can improve coherence and cohesion. For instance, use transitions like 'Furthermore,’ ‘In addition,’ ‘On the other hand,’ and so on.
supported main points
While your main points are clearly supported, try providing more detailed and specific examples where possible. Examples from reliable sources can make your argument more persuasive.
introduction conclusion present
You’ve clearly introduced the topic and provided a summary at the end, which helps frame your essay well.
logical structure
Your ideas are mostly clear and logically structured, making it easier for readers to follow your argument.
relevant specific examples
You've used relevant examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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