Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays mankind has a different mindset in terms of traditional and religious
festivals
. While in ancient times,
festivals
made upon for providing contentment of powerful spiritual figures and
therefore
being able to avoid these figure's anger, today many people think
these
Change preposition
of these
show examples
festivals
as a ''day off'' or relief from the day to day stress of their hectic lives. I completely agree with
this
statement, because the centuries do not only changed mankind's mind but
also
caused the transition of culture. Obviously, the old humankind has his own reasons for believing
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
scary god and trying to survive by his own methods. After the improvement of knowledge about science, now the need to sacrifice something or to celebrate
victory
Add an article
the victory
show examples
of gods has diminished.
Although
religion and traditions are not only comprised of these contents, due to the historic knowledge, it could be easily understood that many
festivals
had sourced because of the need of a
force
Change the verb form
forcing
show examples
figure. For the lonely mankind, the need for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
motivation is understandable while surviving from the natural processes of life,
such
as protecting themselves from weather conditions, or luck for the cultivation season, or not
to die
Change the verb form
dying
show examples
in the frequently
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
wars. Since the disasters
happened
Correct pronoun usage
that happened
show examples
to our ancestors
such
as
thunder storms
Correct your spelling
thunderstorms
show examples
are now our daily morning news,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
religion has somehow become an aspect of life rather than a protector against destiny.
Modern
Add an article
The modern
show examples
human has
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
type of stressors
such
as
work related
Add a hyphen
work-related
show examples
anxieties, financial burdens or mostly interpersonal relationship problems.
Instead
of making some sacrifices in the name of
god
Change the capitalization
God
show examples
, they prefer to enjoy recreational activities, having vacations in some different locations and trying to understand ancient cultures as a hobby. To conclude, it is not surprising that ancient religious and traditional
festivals
do not have the same meaning in
this
modern world, since the people in
this
era have their unique problems and their own mindsets.
Submitted by yildizsumak on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: