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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #festivals #periods
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Nowadays mankind has a different mindset in terms of traditional and religious
festivals
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. While in ancient times,
festivals
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 made upon for providing contentment of powerful spiritual figures and
therefore
Linking Words
 being able to avoid these figure's anger, today many people think
these
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of these
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festivals
Use synonyms
 as a ''day off'' or relief from the day to day stress of their hectic lives. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, because the centuries do not only changed mankind's mind but
also
Linking Words
 caused the transition of culture. Obviously, the old humankind has his own reasons for believing
a
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in a
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scary god and trying to survive by his own methods. After the improvement of knowledge about science, now the need to sacrifice something or to celebrate
victory
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the victory
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 of gods has diminished.
Although
Linking Words
 religion and traditions are not only comprised of these contents, due to the historic knowledge, it could be easily understood that many
festivals
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 had sourced because of the need of a
force
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forcing
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 figure. For the lonely mankind, the need for
a
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apply
show examples
motivation is understandable while surviving from the natural processes of life,
such
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 as protecting themselves from weather conditions, or luck for the cultivation season, or not
to die
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dying
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 in the frequently
occured
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occurred
 wars. Since the disasters
happened
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that happened
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 to our ancestors
such
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 as
thunder storms
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thunderstorms
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 are now our daily morning news,
the
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apply
show examples
religion has somehow become an aspect of life rather than a protector against destiny.
Modern
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The modern
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 human has
different
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a different
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 type of stressors
such
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 as
work related
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work-related
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 anxieties, financial burdens or mostly interpersonal relationship problems.
Instead
Linking Words
 of making some sacrifices in the name of
god
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God
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, they prefer to enjoy recreational activities, having vacations in some different locations and trying to understand ancient cultures as a hobby. To conclude, it is not surprising that ancient religious and traditional
festivals
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 do not have the same meaning in
this
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 modern world, since the people in
this
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 era have their unique problems and their own mindsets.
Submitted by yildizsumak on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
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