IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays, it is cannot be denied that
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 rate is getting worse and worse all over the world, and it is important to take steps to improve the situation.
This
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 essay will look at the reasons for
this
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problem
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 and propose some solutions.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main causes of the
problem
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 is that some people
are not be
Change the verb form
are not
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 able to find appropriate jobs.
as a result
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 they are suffering from various psychological problems. By
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this
Add a comma
,this
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 I mean that there are fewer jobs available for people and
a
Correct article usage
apply
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consequently
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, the rate of
crime
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 is increasing significantly. The solution is for governments to support young people and give them opportunities to have
a jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
jobs
a job
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 combine with their certificates to
avoided
Change the form of the verb
avoid
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 frustration and depression which may lead to
crime
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.
Body paragraph 2
Another cause is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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exposure to abuse during childhood period. What I really mean by saying
this
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 is that the parents are playing an important role in
advanced
Correct article usage
the advanced
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 life of their children.
For instance
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, the violence against kids may lead to rise their tendency to be offenders in the future. The way forward might to be a mercy parents to your children and protect them from any
dangerous
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danger
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such
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 as violence or harassment.
Body paragraph 3
A
third
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 cause of the
problem
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 is that narcotics and drug abuse.
In other words
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,
spread
Correct article usage
the spread
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a
Correct your spelling
of
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 large amounts of drugs in
community
Add an article
the community
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 particularly among adolescents
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
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therefore
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 increase the proportion of
crime
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 range in communities. Dealing with
this
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 issue involve whose have the authority to establish rules and policies
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 goals to cut off any methods that lead to
distribute
Replace the word
distribution
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 of
this
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 toxic agent among our children.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is clear that there is no doubt that the
crime
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 rate is an increasing worry issue. In my opinion, the main responsibility for the
problem
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 lies with parents and governments. Actions must be taken urgently,
otherwise
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, our societies will face greater safety problems in the future.

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