People have historically attempted to achieve a perfect society. However, it is difficult to decide what a perfect society would be like. What would be the most important element of an ideal society? What can normal people do to make society more perfect?

Having a perfect

society

is mankind’s dream, unfortunately,

this

is hard to achieve as many different factors should work in an optimal proportion. I personally think that peace is the most essential factor of an ideal world, for these citizens need to follow rules and regulations of

society

and should develop

higher

Add an article

a higher

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level of tolerance.

Firstly

, peacefulness

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

extremely

Add an article

an extremely

the extremely

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essential tool to lead a perfect life.

This

is because citizens would enjoy their lives its fullest and do not need to fear

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

getting attacked by others.

In other words

, crime rates seem to be at a minimum in

such

areas,

for instance

, theft, murders, money laundering and so on.

Similarly

, equality which is not only between different genders, income groups but religions

also

should be there.

However

, maintaining peace in

society

is not an easy task since it is multifactorial.

Firstly

, despite social and economical differences members of the community need to accept the system of their country. By following

this

, there is

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

less chance to witness any break in the peacefulness of the area.

Additionally

, rarely do we see criminals, manipulators grow there.

Instead

, if people argued against the law of the land, the people would experience social unrest and conflicts. To illustrate

this

, when observing the world happiness index,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

shows that countries, where their citizens remain within the constitution, are happier and the places are considered peaceful. In conclusion,

although

building a perfect nation or

society

is seemed to be a utopia, I think if everyone starts following their county’s law and order would bring peace.

This

is the most significant factor to achieve a perfect

society

Submitted by Sal on Sun Jul 04 2021

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

273 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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People have historically attempted to achieve a perfect society. However, it is difficult to decide what a perfect society would be like. What would be the most important element of an ideal society? What can normal people do to make society more perfect?

Your opinion

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Playing team sports can teach students more than just the games themselves. What do young people learn from playing team games? How are they useful in their later life?

Nowadays it is very popular to be technology/internet literate. Some people say that these skills will replace the use of books as main source of information and entertainment. Do you agree or disagree?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

The diagram below shows the recycling process of aluminium cans. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.