Science tells us about the activities which are good for our health and others which are bad. Millions of people all over the world knows this and still do unhealthy activities. Why do you think this is and what can be done to change it?
The scientific community has warned about activities that improve our health and others that have a rather contrary effect. It is said that many
people
around the world are councious of this
, and continue to pursue unhealthy habits
. One of the reasons can be directed to the lack of discipline
in certain people
to pursue healthy habits
, as well as
the marketing compannies of said unhealthy activites prommote a contrary opinion despite scientific warnings. This
essay will abord the main causes of this
phenomenon, and its possible solutions in the near future.
Discipline
is one of the characteristics of success, in order to achieve a healthy goal, the discipline
is the foundation to fulfill these practices that benefits people
. However
, this
quality if often underlook and replace with laziness and lack of committment. To illustrate, scientist advice at least twenty to forty minutes of excersice everyday in order to decrease heart illness and improve the blood preassure. Recent studies conducted by The Guardian, surveyed a handful of people
and most of them did not follow a correct routine and abandoned said healthy habits
in about a week or two after starting. Even when the risk is inminent, the compromise is null.
Another paramount factor to contribute in the promotion of unhealthy habits
, can be directed towards marketing of compannies and their interest of fostering said habits
for financial purposes only. Nowadays, everything can be sold through advertisment. In 2023, VOX conducted a study to examinate the sales of tobacco during a lightly campaing in Californa, USA. Even though the cigarrettes boxes contained explicit warnings and direct effects from smoking, the sales high-rocketed due to
the strident promotion and catchy themed songs associated with the smoking campaign.
Consequently
, conveing solutions to face this
problem is mandatory. Firstly
, to motive and create discipline
habit's, education and constant information is needed; goverments should implement exercises in public spaces to attract the public's attention as well as
to implement innitiatives such
as marathons or sports open to all public. Additionally
, restrictions and regulation of marketing campaings are promptly needed, addressing the side effects of maintaining unhealthy habits
corresponds to a obligation of each country's health ministries. Therefore
, involving actively with the population and a conjucted effort to stop this
issue could potentially increase healthy habits
.
To conclude
, although
the voices of scientist almost feel drown in many of the unhealthy habits
people
maintain this
days, whether it would be caused by lack of strong will or alluring and confusing marketing campaigns, the goverments should convey efforts to promote healthy habits
with open to the public exercise activities, as well as
a direct regulation of said marketing campaigns. With this
regulations and solutions, the incentives for a healthy life should create a safety atmosphere and create a better society.Submitted by alejandragarciabaez.9 on
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Task Achievement
In your essay, you've done a good job at addressing the question, presenting a structured argument with relevant examples, and rounding off your discussion with a conclusion. However, to improve your Task Achievement score, ensure your essay specifically addresses all parts of the prompt more conspicuously. Make sure your argument and examples directly relate to why people continue with unhealthy activities despite knowing they are harmful, and how to effectively address this issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, consider varying your connective phrases and paragraph transitions for smoother reading. While there's a logical flow, more diverse linking words could further enhance the readability and cohesion between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to detail with paragraphing, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea that contributes to your overall argument.
Language
To uplift your essay, focus on more sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate while ensuring precision and clarity. Avoid repetitions by using synonyms and ensure grammatical accuracy to present a polished argument. Paying attention to these details can enhance the overall impression and effectiveness of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.