IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays , women as well as men work full time. Therefore, women and men should share household tasks equally. (eg cleaning and looking after children ). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is much discussion surrounding
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 need to share domestic chores balance. Some people believe that sharing
household
Use synonyms
tasks
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 equally is extremely significant because
women
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 and men work
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint for two reasons which will be explained in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the shift in
women
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's roles has rendered the traditional domestic model obsolete. With
women
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 working full-time, they have significantly less time and energy to dedicate to
household
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 chores. Expecting them to shoulder the majority of these responsibilities creates an unfair burden and perpetuates gender inequality. Equal sharing of
tasks
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 ensures that both partners contribute to the maintenance of their shared living space and the well-being of their
children
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, fostering a sense of partnership and mutual respect.
Secondly
Linking Words
, equal participation in
household
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tasks
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 benefits
children
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. When
children
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 see both parents actively involved in cleaning, cooking, and childcare, they learn valuable lessons about equality and responsibility.
This
Linking Words
 helps to break down gender stereotypes and promotes a more balanced understanding of family dynamics.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, shared childcare allows both parents to develop strong bonds with their
children
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, fostering emotional well-being and a sense of security. In conclusion, the contemporary reality of dual-income households necessitates a re-evaluation of
household
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 responsibilities. Equal sharing of
tasks
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 is not only a matter of fairness but
also
Linking Words
 a crucial step towards fostering gender equality, promoting healthy family dynamics, and raising
children
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 who understand and respect the value of partnership.
Therefore
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, I firmly believe that men and
women
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 should share
household
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tasks
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 equally.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples within the body paragraphs to support your arguments more vividly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a greater variety of linking words to enhance the flow between ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position of agreement and maintains this viewpoint throughout the response.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively outlines your main argument, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender roles
  • Evolved
  • Gender equality
  • Economic necessity
  • Household responsibilities
  • Parenting
  • Child-rearing
  • Equitable
  • Family dynamics
  • Skill development
  • Empathy
  • Cultural norms
  • Societal expectations
  • Egalitarian
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