some people think that money is the most important factor in promoting happiness? do you think people can be happy without money? what other factors contribute towards hapiness?

#people #money #factor #happiness #factors #hapiness

this

exorbitant world, wealth is a fundamental need for every individual. It can give you a better lifestyle and education;

however

, some people assume that

money

is solely a vital part of enhancing happiness. In

this

essay, I will explain both of these segments, and

also

share some other element which can give us enormous joy. Focusing on the

first

question,

money

is an inevitable need for every other human without

money

they could not survive in

this

expensive world.

Besides

this

, without ,wealth only older generations and teenagers could be happy because they merely want emotional attachment rather than currency.

For instance

, in older ,ager they only want their child may spend some time with them. It gives them jubilant feelings.

Although

children

also

want attraction from their parents. As per my opinion,

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

two

Add a hyphen

two-generation

show examples

generation

Fix the agreement mistake

generations

show examples

would be happy without wealth. These are several elements that make people happy.

First

and foremost is a success. When any individual gets success in any particular field at that time they are adequate happy.

In addition

, a good relationship between friends and family

also

boost their energy and mental health. To illustrate, when people have a good bonding with their parents and cousins that time they can share anything with them,

therefore

they did not feel stress and mental issues, it can reduce many diseases

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

related to brain and heart. To conclude,

although

money

is an essential part of every human being without that they could not get a better lifestyle or education;

however

, there are

also

some other ways towards happiness without

money

Submitted by kajavadarapiyush786 on Sun Jul 04 2021

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

crucial
comforts
reliant
financial wealth
achievements
mental health
materialistic
immeasurable
joy
satisfaction
community
social connections
supportive
well-being
physical health
stress management
spiritual
philosophical
meaning
purpose
peace
self-acceptance
positive mindset
optimistic
sustainable

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some people think that money is the most important factor in promoting happiness? do you think people can be happy without money? what other factors contribute towards hapiness?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people think that parents should limit their children’s time to watch TV and play computer games and encourage them to read books. Do you agree or disagree?

Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others in the same age. This is called “peer pressure”. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

Companies spend millions each year on advertising online, in magazines and on billboards. These adverts can encourage people to buy goods that they do not really need. What are the positive and negative effects of consumerism?

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of politicians, rather than individuals, to reduce the world’s environmental damage. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation?