Some people believe that it is important to spend money on family celebrations such as weddings and birthdays, while others think this is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
this
cosmopolitan
time
, celebrating
events
has become a trend for most
people
. It is argued by some
people
that
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
money
on weddings or
birthdays
Change the noun form
birthday
show examples
parties would be beneficial but other groups of individuals are against
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it. In
this
essay, I will discuss both points of view and explain why I am in favour of spending
money
on
such
events
. There are
people
who believe that the benefits of spending
money
outweigh the disadvantages. The main reason for believing in
this
is that these
events
would be memorised for their whole life as
this
type of action gives them an opportunity to
get
Verb problem
apply
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mingle with their whole relatives as they would all be presented at the same spot to enjoy that unique
time
. In India,
for example
, different communities come together at a particular
time
and collect the most wonderful memories that they have spent with their loved ones.
Hence
,
time
spends
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
with their relatives is more important than any quantity of
money
spent.
On the other hand
, some think that
this
is just a way to burn
money
. They harbour
this
opinion because they think that it is a huge amount of cost that they spend on unnecessary
events
and do not compensate for the work. To be precise
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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,
instead
of wasting
money
on these occasions, it would be more beneficial for them to make
their
Change preposition
up their
show examples
mind in a way that they only invite
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
people
in
Change preposition
to
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their parties that will not burden their pockets.
For instance
, the
money
that they use in anniversaries or any other parties, ought to be quintessential to use for charity or learn any new languages. In conclusion, I believe that both the arguments have their merits,
however
, I believe that
money
spends
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
on birthdays or mainly on weddings
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
justified.
This
is because the moment that they have spent
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all together
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
always be with them for their whole life.
Submitted by karampalvirk21 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion to frame the essay and guide the reader.
Task Achievement
Ensure a more direct response to the essay prompt by addressing both views in more depth and providing a balanced opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • commemorate
  • festivities
  • bonding experience
  • financial strain
  • budget-friendly
  • sustainable celebrations
  • social dynamics
  • peer pressure
  • materialism
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