IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing vidio games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

These days, computers are widely available, and many children spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend has some benefits for them,
this
Linking Words
 might lead to
health
Use synonyms
 issues , and it could
also
Linking Words
 affect them negatively. On one hand, there are some advantages of playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 that they can
enhancing
Wrong verb form
enhance
show examples
children’s
Use synonyms
 mental and problem-solving abilities. Many
games
Use synonyms
 require strategic thinking, planning, and decision-making, which can help children develop cognitive skills.
For instance
Linking Words
, puzzle
games
Use synonyms
 or adventure
games
Use synonyms
 often involve completing tasks or solving problems within a
time
Use synonyms
 limit, encouraging quick thinking and logical reasoning.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 can serve as a tool for cognitive development when used in moderation and with appropriate content. On the other hand, spending too much
time
Use synonyms
 playing computer
games
Use synonyms
 can negatively influence
children’s
Use synonyms
 physical
health
Use synonyms
. Long periods in front of the screen can lead to a sedentary lifestyle, increasing the risk of obesity, poor posture, and eye strain. A recent study by the World
Health
Use synonyms
 Organisation found that children who spend more than two hours per day on screens are more likely to face
health
Use synonyms
 issues
such
Linking Words
 as back pain and sleep disturbances.
As a result
Linking Words
, excessive gaming may harm
children’s
Use synonyms
 physical well-being in the long run. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 and access to computers can offer certain educational and cognitive benefits, their overuse may lead to
health
Use synonyms
 problems and a negative effect on
children’s
Use synonyms
 social and emotional development. It is essential for parents to monitor their
children’s
Use synonyms
 screen
time
Use synonyms
 and encourage a balanced lifestyle.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
To improve logical structure, ensure each paragraph clearly transitions to the next. Use linking words to guide the reader.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific games that enhance problem-solving skills.
task achievement
Consider expanding on the negative effects. Explain how social life could be affected by too much gaming.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion with advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion summarize the key points well.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to illustrate benefits of video games.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: