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Band 5

Nowadays, child labor has become a major concern. why it is so? What can be done to solve this problem?

#child #labor #concern
Child labour refers to teenagers working in factories at
small
Correct word choice
a young
show examples
 age which is a big issue these days.
This
 may happen
due to
 a lot of reasons which we will discuss in the essay and
also
, provide relevant solutions to decrease these kinds of problems.
Firstly
, inflation is the most important cause in some countries as people are not able to meet their necessary needs.
Thus
, all the family members have to work including adults, because one person does not earn enough to feed the rest
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For instance
, most cases are seen in India, the reason is poverty where salaries are small and prices of the items are at peak.
Secondly
, there are some families like single mothers, disabled, an orphan etc. who do not have any other way left
besides
 engaging their kids to work to shoulder the burden of the house. To resolve
this
 scenario, the one possible fix can be
if
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the cost of education cut off to half which is extremely high to fulfil.
Hence
, each student will get an opportunity to
get
Verb problem
gain
show examples
 knowledge and achieve the goals they set.
Also
, a law needs to be implemented on the employers who take part in
such
 activities and should be punished. Enough funds should be given by the system to support poor people so, that youngsters can attend their schools rather than doing labour. More literate graduates will add to the economic growth of the country.
Overall
, as stated above, working at a young age is not a choice but helplessness. There are various other actions that an administration can take to prevent young child crimes. Apart from that, the public must choose their authorities keeping in mind, the future of their children.
Submitted by kaursimrat455 on

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the essay directly address the task question and stay focused on the topic throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear and logical paragraph structure to ensure coherence and cohesion. Connect ideas using appropriate transitions and linking words.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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