IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

People attend colleges or universities for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge etc.). Why do you think people attend colleges or universities? You should give reasons for your answer using your own ideas and experience.

#people #colleges #universities #experiences #career #preparation
People
 have differing views about who should get responsibility to lead the
next
 generation to be responsible
people
 in the future.
Although
 school‘s teaching is an essential part, I
also
 believe that the care and love of
parents
 since their
children
’s very young age is an efficient method
also
. On the one hand, I understand why some
people
 think that school is the best place to increase the number of respectful
children
.
Firstly
, it is thought that
children
 can acquire great skills
such
 as cooperation, empathy, communication, from activities or curriculum of schools,
for instance
, group work, class interaction and learning.
Secondly
, forcing
children
 to obey the rules is
also
 an important lesson for
children
.
Therefore
, schools simulate situations in
society
.
However
, I
also
 agree with those who think that parental guidance is a great way for comprehensive leading and making
children
 who are perfectly adequate for
society
. The one reason is,
parents
 are among the top
people
 who are familiar with their
children
 and might be their
first
 role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
.
Moreover
, lots
Change preposition
of
show examples
parents
 genuinely need to teach their
children
, so they try so hard to be
such
 a good example.
However
, everybody is not perfect, so even
parents
 can make mistakes and sometimes they changed themselves to be better just because they are becoming mother or father of someone . In conclusion, it seems to me that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 would have not
be
Change the verb form
been
show examples
 a better place without quality members, so schools and
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 should work together to build basic skills for
children
 and make them become good members of
society
 in the future.
Submitted by nitchakarn.son on

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