Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#children #tv #video #games #people #activities #child’s #health

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Parents believe that mental distress is caused by their

children

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spending most of their time with their

gadgets

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Firstly

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, I will explore why the

loneliness

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is leading them to have no one to share.

Secondly

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, I will explain why

gadgets

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bring addiction to

children

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which potentially distress their mental more. Given these points, I strongly agree that

gadgets

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are harming

children

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's mental. Most teenagers are lonely

due to

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their interaction limited by their

gadgets

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On the other hand

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, others believe that

gadgets

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have nothing to do with their

loneliness

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because some

gadgets

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make communication online easier.

Although

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this

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may be true, The fact that most of them invest their interaction online makes them inexperienced in making friends offline. Experts state that 70% of

children

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have spent more than 12 hours a day on

gadgets

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For

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this

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reason, they have a hard time making real friends. If that happens,

then

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they have no one to talk to about their problem.

Consequently

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, they keep their issue themself, making their mind go berserk if the problem piles up, leading to their mental health being disturbed by that.

This

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is evidence that

loneliness

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can distress their mental health. Other than

loneliness

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that is

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troubling their mental energy, addiction could

also

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be connected to mental complications.

For instance

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, some games like Mobile Legends require a lot of focus and are hard to play, making teenage gamers think

further

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. The required amount of thinking,

coupled with

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some games being addictive, disrupts the

children

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's brains. To demonstrate those points, in 2023, a survey taken by the Chinese government showed that 2.000

children

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in China are being depressed because of the game.

Moreover

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, the depression is caused by the game repeatedly pushing their mind to think more.

Thereupon

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, fixation on games is associated with

children

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’s mental well-being problems. In effect, the mentioned arguments make me agree that

gadgets

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are the main source of

this

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issue. In general,

loneliness

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could lead to teenagers having less interaction with each other. The addiction is correlated with pushing mind function and that distressing a teenager's mental well-being.

Thus

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, it makes me vigorously agree with the parents' concern regarding

gadgets

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' drawbacks to

children

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Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on Wed Jun 05 2024

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task achievement

Your essay demonstrates a clear response to the task, with the key points of the argument well-expressed. However, to further improve your score, consider including more specific counterarguments to provide a balanced view before presenting your own perspective.

coherence cohesion

While your essay has a good logical structure and flow, make sure to use more cohesive devices to connect your ideas and paragraphs more smoothly. This would further enhance the clarity and coherence of your argument.

coherence cohesion

You have presented a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.

task achievement

You have used relevant and specific examples, which strengthen your points and argument.

17
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

360 words

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Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

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