Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Parents believe that mental distress is caused by their
children
spending most of their time with their gadgets
. Firstly
, I will explore why the loneliness
is leading them to have no one to share. Secondly
, I will explain why gadgets
bring addiction to children
which potentially distress their mental more. Given these points, I strongly agree that gadgets
are harming children
's mental.
Most teenagers are lonely due to
their interaction limited by their gadgets
. On the other hand
, others believe that gadgets
have nothing to do with their loneliness
because some gadgets
make communication online easier. Although
this
may be true, The fact that most of them invest their interaction online makes them inexperienced in making friends offline. Experts state that 70% of children
have spent more than 12 hours a day on gadgets
. For
this
reason, they have a hard time making real friends. If that happens, then
they have no one to talk to about their problem. Consequently
, they keep their issue themself, making their mind go berserk if the problem piles up, leading to their mental health being disturbed by that. This
is evidence that loneliness
can distress their mental health.
Other than loneliness
that is
troubling their mental energy, addiction could also
be connected to mental complications. For instance
, some games like Mobile Legends require a lot of focus and are hard to play, making teenage gamers think further
. The required amount of thinking, coupled with
some games being addictive, disrupts the children
's brains. To demonstrate those points, in 2023, a survey taken by the Chinese government showed that 2.000 children
in China are being depressed because of the game. Moreover
, the depression is caused by the game repeatedly pushing their mind to think more. Thereupon
, fixation on games is associated with children
’s mental well-being problems. In effect, the mentioned arguments make me agree that gadgets
are the main source of this
issue.
In general, loneliness
could lead to teenagers having less interaction with each other. The addiction is correlated with pushing mind function and that distressing a teenager's mental well-being. Thus
, it makes me vigorously agree with the parents' concern regarding gadgets
' drawbacks to children
.Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on
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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear response to the task, with the key points of the argument well-expressed. However, to further improve your score, consider including more specific counterarguments to provide a balanced view before presenting your own perspective.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a good logical structure and flow, make sure to use more cohesive devices to connect your ideas and paragraphs more smoothly. This would further enhance the clarity and coherence of your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You have used relevant and specific examples, which strengthen your points and argument.