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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some parents buy a lot of toys for their children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children having a lot of toys?

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Some
children
Use synonyms
 are given a
number
Use synonyms
 of
toys
Use synonyms
 by their
parents
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is said to lead to those
youngsters
Use synonyms
 not only becoming independent of their
parents
Use synonyms
 fast but
also
Linking Words
 avoiding being bullied, while
this
Linking Words
 can cause
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 financial burden on their
parents
Use synonyms
 and hamper the development of their imagination. Looking
first
Linking Words
 at the advantages of providing
children
Use synonyms
 with a lot of
toys
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 accelerates their independence.
This
Linking Words
 is because their faith in their
parents
Use synonyms
 grows fast, making them feel that whenever they are in trouble, their
parents
Use synonyms
 will help them.
As a result
Linking Words
, they try to do anything on their own. Another merit is that the more
toys
Use synonyms
youngsters
Use synonyms
 own, the less likely they are to be bullied. I read in the newspaper that young people have the predisposition to be attracted to those having what they don’t
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and that giving
children
Use synonyms
 a
number
Use synonyms
 of
toys
Use synonyms
 can prevent them from becoming the target of bullying. Turning to the disadvantages, more
toys
Use synonyms
 can mean
heavier
Correct article usage
a heavier
show examples
 financial burden on
parents
Use synonyms
. The following incident was reported in Japan; a father run out of money, but his son pestered him to buy a video game he hoped for, which resulted in the father robbing an old lady of her purse and being arrested for the crime.
Besides
Linking Words
, giving a lot of
toys
Use synonyms
 prevents
children
Use synonyms
 from being imaginative. If they have few
toys
Use synonyms
, they will try to do anything to enjoy themselves with the limited
number
Use synonyms
 of
toys
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, surrounded by a
number
Use synonyms
 of
toys
Use synonyms
,
youngsters
Use synonyms
 will be deprived of the chance. To conclude, being purchased a lot of
toys
Use synonyms
 enables
youngsters
Use synonyms
 to cultivate their self-dependence and to avoid being bullied, but at the same time, it can be a great cause of monetary burden on
parents
Use synonyms
 and the dearth of
children
Use synonyms
’s imagination.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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